When I was 15, I was deep.

Deb at San Diego Momma's has a PROMPTuesday exercise today that interests me.  Because... it's easy.  She requests we describe in detail, a memory from our 15th year.  I began journaling when I was 11, so I pulled two journals spanning 1981 and 1982 [when I was 15] to aid in this assignment.

Connie at The Young and The Relentless has periodically posted excerpts from her teen diaries titled "The Connie Diaries".  It's both fun and uncomfortable reading her words.  We've all been there.

Instead of describing one memory, I'm borrowing from Connie's idea.  I'd like to share pieces of my world when I was 15...

 

I had a special English teacher my freshman and sophomore years in high school.  He encouraged us to journal in ways I'd never thought of prior.  The journals [above left] were like an accessory.  The exterior appearance was important. 

The first page in each journal [above right] had my favorite quotes at the time.  If you're interested, click on the photograph - you should be able to read them.  Simple quotes, but to me they were deep and profound.  I didn't even smoke weed.

I wrote in my journals creatively, but more often than not, they simply served as a diary.  I sketched, and taped pictures and articles that I thought were deep onto the pages.  I REALLY wanted to be deep.

  

I don't know if Erma Bombeck was deep, but I was already thinking about how to be a good parent.  My parents were good and loved me very much, but like many kids, I never felt understood and I developed empathy early.  An empathy I projected onto my future children.

I was a runner then.  Still am - well, a trotter anyway.  It was a way for me to connect with Dad, also a runner at the time, and I really enjoyed the endorphins.  Runner's high?  It's real.

 

I even tried to make running deep. [See photo above left.]

Like the "Connie Diaries", I thought I would share something I wrote when I was 15.  I found a few decent poems and short stories, some funny, well-documented antics with friends, and plenty of teen angst [seems to be the theme these days with that vampire stuff].  But I'd like to share what I wrote on January 5, 1981... so technically, I was only 14 1/2-years old. 

The words aren't exceptional, but I want to contribute to the "Teachers Are Important And Make A Difference" campaign bucket.  This is what I had to say about the memorable English teacher my freshman year.

January 5, 1981

... Mr. H. is such a neat teacher.  Of all the teachers I've ever had, he makes the greatest impression on me.  He influences me so easily.  I look up to him and hope to be as sweet and gentle a person as he is. I can't picture him being unkind towards anyone, or giving them an unfair chance.  He told us when he meets someone he always gives them the benefit of the doubt.  He automatically likes them, or he assumes they are a good person, then he leaves it up to the person if they want to prove him wrong.  He's a neat guy.  You won't come across too many people like him.  I'm glad I've had a chance to be taught by him.

Then, because I wanted to be deep, I included two quotes..

"Do not seek yourself outside yourself."  Ralph Waldo Emerson

"To be great is to be misunderstood."  Ralph Waldo Emerson

Followed by my OWN deep thought.

¹I wonder what it would be like to be a nun?  

THE END.

¹ I'm not sure what THAT was about.  I'm not even Catholic.

Comments

[Joe Girl]

Kind of surreal to go back *a few* years and read what was rambling about in our minds at that age! I too have kept a journal since about age 14 or 15. What a super idea to share some of those entries... maybe I'll pick up on this idea and find some past words of my own to spill ;)

[December 2, 2008 |]

That was fantastic. I LOVE her Tuesday prompts.

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[Corbie]

In my opinion, your best blog post ever! I laughed out loud and yet related to it with every fiber in my being. Well done.

[December 2, 2008 |]

I have some stuff that I wrote in 6th grade. It's stashed in my attic.

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[December 2, 2008 |]

You were very deep.I had a similar experience with a teacher - but I had this book (The Pigman is possibly the title...), anyhoo I related everything in my life to the books I had read. The teacher became the pigman. Unlike now, where I am so mature - and relate my life to teen dramas on tv ;-)

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[Middle Aged Woman]

Even just THINKING about my teenage years makes me cringe. *shudder* Thatnk God I didn't keep a journal.

[Robin]

Chris,This brought such happy tears to my eyes. I also adored Mr "H" and think back to how he shaped me.Remember how he would "smoke" his chalk during class?

[Chris]

Joe Girl - Spill!

Vodka Mom - San Diego Momma's great for prompts.

Corbie - I don't know about my "best" blog post, but thank you for the generous compliment. You're always so supportive and I truly appreciate it.

Dr. Zibbs - You should spill too!

Deidre - I really wasn't deep. Pigman. I like that.

Claire, I have cringe-worthy pages missing from my journals. I believe they made me cringe even then. I understand. Love, Chris

Robin - I DO remember Mr. H smoking his chalk! He was the best.

[December 2, 2008 |]

I've gotta think the nun thing would be boring. I've always felt runner's high as more of a lack of oxygen, but I'll take your word for it ;)

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[Sam]

I kept a diary when i was a teenager, but, my thoughts were not as philosophic as yours. I hadn't even heard of Kahlil Gibran until i was 19. I like your "Evolution of Running" page. It shows you were finding complexity in simplicity.....even something as simple as being a nun. Very, very cool!

[December 2, 2008 |]

I have a box with all my journals in them, starting from when I was about 11 to when I was about 22 and quit writing journals. I brought them back from my mother's house. I can't bear to throw them away or destroy them, but I also can't bear to read them. I read a bit of the last ones, my young adult self - flaming with embarrassment, and chagrined that I behaved so foolishly and, in hindsight, having missed some wonderful opportunities.

the teen years? Oy, I'm scared to touch them. I wonder, though if I wrote about the incident that inspired today's PROMPTuesday post for me.





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[December 2, 2008 |]

omg LOL Hilarious!

My diary, had my mom not always hunted for them, thrown them away, and then grounded me, would've read something like this:

Mr. K is the greatest teacher ever. He's so funny. He goes around measuring all the girls' bangs with a yard stick. I want to do well in his class because I want to impress him. I love him. My mother keeps telling me I'm going to get him fired. Wonder what that means.

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My own sage advice:Don't drink pink wine that costs $2.50.

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[December 2, 2008 |]

Dear Deepy Deepersen McDeeps Alot:

You are very deep. Not shallow. Deep.

Deeply Yours,Ralph Waldo Emerson

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[December 2, 2008 |]

Love your writing style! When I was 15 I was really into poetry and had a fabulous teacher who gave us a new quote every day!

To this day, I still carry my favorites with me!!

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[The Floydster]

I don't know if I've blocked most of my high school/teen life out of necessity or if its old age. I'm sure I had the angst but I don't remember much . . . I don't remember being "deep" or thinking deep thoughts . . . I do remember lonely, but then, who wasn't? I lol when I read your last line - priceless.

[December 2, 2008 |]

When I read these - I can't decide whether I'm sad or relieved that I never kept a journal...

I love Mr. H. And I NEVER wanted to be a nun (but Catholic school will do that to you).

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[Tristan]

Thank Gawd my journals are all buried, literally, in my mom's basement. I was not nearly as deep as you, though I definitely aspired to be :)

[Lydia]

What a great idea - I should look through my hope chest (yeah, I have one) and find an old journal. I only wrote in them for school, I would love to see what I had to say. See if I was deep?

[December 3, 2008 |]

Thanks for linking to me!

What a blessing MR H was to teach you to journal. I with that my thoughts had been as deep as yours.







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[All Adither]

Nice post. Sounds like you were a very mature fifteen year old!

[shonda]

We had journals at during high school as well. I wrote one titled "Motorcycle Man." It was this super romantic narrative about some mystery man, some man who dances beyond the firelight just beyond our reach.That's not how I would describe it, that was actually in the journal entry. Now, over 10 years later, I'd rather fucking die than get on a motorcycle, mostly because I think I will die if I do.

[December 3, 2008 |]

Where did my comment go?

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[December 3, 2008 |]

I guess it was lost, which is unfortunate because it was totally witty. I told you about my freshmen journal. One entry was about a "Motorcycle Man," in which I write this romantic piece about this dying breed that dances just beyond the firelight.That's not how I would describe it now. I actually wrote that shit.Now, over 10 years later, I'd rather die than ride on a motorcycle because I'm basically convinced I will die if I get on one.

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[December 3, 2008 |]

Chris, your deep was a true and lovely kind of deep. My deep involved writing letters to every person I ever knew in case I died, which led to my Mom [who snooped non-stop] to think I was going to commit suicide. She then screamed at me for hours, thinking that if I was going to commit suicide, her screams might prevent it, when in fact, those screams made me want to not only kill myself, but her as well. I thought I was being deep and I was - in a totally ridiculous way. Your kind of deep at 15 was awesome.

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[Chris]

Jim (aka Heinous) - Lack of oxygen may definitely contribute to "runner's high".

Samantha - You're a good friend Sam.

g - I can't bear to read most of mine either.

Jenni - Ha! Sounds like you had naughty thoughts for your teacher. Your advice is excellent!

San Diego Momma - Er, Mr. Ralph Waldo Emerson... Thank you for your deeply, deep compliment. Deeply yours, Chris

Connie - Nice to see you! (FYI - this is a different Connie than the "Connie Diaries" Connie.) Sounds like you had a cool teacher too. Neat!

The Floydster - I think we were all lonely - you're right about that. You know I was kidding about the "deep" stuff. Right? I was goofy, like all of us.

Kate Coveny Hood - I love Mr. H. too.

Tristan - I was GOOFY - NOT deep!

Lydia - I bet you were deep...

Connie (aka "The Connie Diaries" Connie) - I was GOOFY - NOT deep! Your hair looks pretty though...

All Adither - I was GOOFY - NOT deep. Thank you for commenting - it's nice to see you.

Shonda - Your comments finally appeared. Sorry about the delay. Motorcycles are dangerous - I'm with you on that one!

Sherri - I think it's sweet that you wanted to write letters to people in case you died. That's very deep. Sounds like your mother's strategy was a bit intense! Glad you're both still around to tell the tale!

[December 3, 2008 |]

Ha ha! Man you were deep at 15.

I've never been. I'm about as deep as a puddle.

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[December 3, 2008 |]

I loved this post!!! You are so brave to expose your teenage self to us. I'd be way too embarrassed to share my teen diaries. I was a dork.

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[December 4, 2008 |]

lol, i would be WAYYYYY too embarrassed to read anything of mine i wrote as a kid or teenager. I was a total dork.

Great post, it's cool seeing another side to someone.

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[December 4, 2008 |]

oops, sorry, I thought my first comment didn't "take". Hence the rewrite.

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[December 4, 2008 |]

Compared to what I wrote at 15 (and I could SCREAM that I threw out my old H.S. journals when I was in my early 20s) you were like an early Margaret Atwood! My version of deep was pasting in the first pack of cigarettes I finished on my own and how I barely made it home before curfew! ;) Thanks for sharing, that was an excellent post!

And thanks for stopping by the "Club," I appreciate the comments. :)

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[December 4, 2008 |]

Your parting thought reminds me of a joke I used to tell at that age: "What's black and white and red all over?"

A nun with a sword through her head.

Aren't you glad you didn't become a nun?

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[December 5, 2008 |]

I was so TOTALLY in love with Kahlil Gibran back in the day.

In fact that quote on friendship is still one of my all-time favorites. Except I screwed it up one time, giving a toast while roaring drunk:

"When friends get together, let there be lots of laughter and wetness, for the heart finds its morning and is like... freshly showered"

Or something to that effect.

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[December 5, 2008 |]

Oh my 15th year! Definitely that August when I sang at Peg and Lester's wedding, later that night I had my first beer, 2 of them (with my older cousins,) and around midnight while running across a field. tripped on some thin twine someone had staked their garden out with - still have the small scar on my left ankle where it cut into me.

Pretty deep stuff, eh?

P.S. Sounds like Mr H. was a great guy!!

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