Home Sh#t Home - Part Deux

We're home from Colorado - the delousing has commenced.

Because my good friend Samantha Kelly pseudo-requested to see more of our accommodations - I'll share a few final memories before closing this chapter.

The Cheese
We found some cheese stuck to a desk.  It wasn't our cheese.

Disgusting.  Believe it or not, we were so beaten by our experience, we just left the cheese alone.

The Filthy Lamp
This pathetic lamp is illustrative of all accessories in the room, wallpaper, floor coverings, and general decor.  It worked just fine though.  ( See Honey, I can TOO be positive and "go with the flow".)

It listed to the right no matter what my OCD told me to do to correct it.  Again, it worked just fine though.  (Positive thoughts.)

The Wildlife
We found what appeared to be a cocoon in the curtains.  The photo doesn't show it very well, but trust me, something was growing in the black dot you see.

Helpful Instructions
Just in case someone had any crazy ideas about where they should or should not hang their clothing...

We were fairly certain this was there because someone in the past had actually hung their clothing on the sprinkler.  The room had to have been flooded at some point to smell as moldy as it did.

The Partay
We were lounging in our rooms on SUNDAY afternoon (NOT Friday or Saturday night), trying to touch as few surfaces as possible, when we heard "thump, thump, thump, etc..." and the roaring of motorcycles and souped-up cars.  We pushed back our curtain, careful not to disturb the wildlife, to find a raging, midlife crisis party occurring at our hotel pool.  Very tan people, in very few clothes, were head-bobbing to the music, trying to look sex-ay.  Men with stretch marks on their too tan arms with tribal armband tattoos, tummy's sucked-in, chest's pushed out, 27 hairs slicked back.  Women with thin arms and legs, giant boobs, too tan like the men, tiny bikinis to show the tattoos on the lower middle back, all teetering around in high, high heels and ankle bracelets.  Most of these people were at least my age, but a few were young and could have legitimately starred in real dirty movies.  (JUST being descriptive with most of this - not judgmental - mostly.)

Chris called the front desk and found out that this hotel in an effort to "serve the community" throws a little "function" on Sunday afternoons.  It was supposed to end at 5:00, but they let "the community" party until almost 6:30.  Like we weren't already having a hard time getting up the courage to get in the swimming pool.

When the people left - I think the humpers were hosed off - Chris went out to run an errand (probably to get more liquor and Lysol).  This is how he found our front windshield...

 

I'm not saying anyone purposely shot at our windshield (a thought that crossed my mind that evening).  It's possible someone, in an effort to leave the parking lot looking cool, spun their tires in a way that accidentally threw a stone.

Our immune systems are boosted and we have a renewed appreciation for our home.  I'm so happy we didn't find a bag of heroine or a dead body in the room.  What to tell the children...

Comments

[Tristan]

You are a trooper! Any one of the aforementioned incidents would have put me over the edge. I would have bought plane tickets for oldest boy and middle boy and driven home immediately!

[Corbie]

Here is where my true roots come out Chris. I know that, given our current lives and personalities, it seems we have much in common, and we do...to a point. But the longer this friendship goes on, the more you may decide you don't really want to know my 'kind'.

See, the places I've been, the things I've seen...all I can say is that one would hope for some innocent cheese on the armoire.

Thus, now as an adult, I feel the need to expose my children to these same horrors. Have you been to Wyoming Downs to watch the horse races? We go a couple of times each summer and meet my dad there...nicest place there has stuff growing in the curtains. We do our part to respect the wilderness by leaving it be. But the ones we find in the sheets? Well, respect for the great outdoors can only be taken so far...those ones are fair game.

[Chris]

Corbie - I too have been places (even lived in them) where penicillin grew under the bed. I'm old now. I love your "kind", and there's nothing better than a pretty/gritty girl. I would have dared you to eat the cheese - maybe even double-dog dared you...

[San Diego Momma]

I'm not OCD, but the cheese and the cocoon would have sent me over the edge.

Seriously.

I'm not an "old, crusty food stuck on my furniture" kind of person.

I hope you had fun anyway! It's nice to get away, even if there's a swinger party outside at the pool.

[Sam]

i think there was a time that if you were double dogged dared YOU might have eaten the cheese. Thanks for posting more photos and the story, it's a classic memory. I would have loved to have binoculars for the pool party.

[Chris]

San Diego Momma - You know, now that you mention it, I believe that party WAS a swinger party. GASP!

Samantha Kelly - I think you're right, I might have eaten the cheese long ago. We'll talk about Winchester days another time... ahem.