Christmas Lights Did Him In

Nothing. I mean, NOTHING, will make a man lose his cool quicker than issues with Christmas lights. Even the most patient of men.

I thought Chris had passed this test right after we were married. Dad was sorting through things in the garage and Chris offered to help. Dad found a box of mangled Christmas lights, pushed the box towards Chris and said, "See if you can make some sense of these."

Chris untangled and organized several strands of lights. I was impressed.

The tree I selected this year is slightly larger than last year's tree. It took Chris, a couple of neighbors and me to get it in the house. We cut two feet off the top, and I trimmed the branches so it would fit in the tall but narrow space we always place our tree.

Chris teased me about the tree but remained patient.

Because this isn't our first rodeo, we put lights on the top few feet of the tree before we brought it in the house. It was easier while the tree was on it's side.

Chris began lighting the rest of the tree yesterday morning. At 8:30 last night, he was making another trip to Home Depot. The day taught him, and me, that when we have a tree this large, it's important to have two zones of lights. One for the top half of the tree and one for the bottom half.

Unfortunately, Chris learned this after lighting the same lower section of the tree, having the lights blow, removing the lights, and repeating the process several times. He was wild-eyed and his hair was askew after eight hours of repetitive work. Pine needles were everywhere, we all stayed away from the family room. Foul words, agonizing growls and groans popped out from behind the tree in a Tourette's-like manner throughout the day.

One of the most patient people I've ever known, my husband, lost it.

It's Sunday morning. I rose early, as I usually do, and found a half consumed Vesper in the kitchen sink. I  don't know if it was the first or the third, but I know my husband deserved it, or them.

Because, he did this...

Comments

[V-Grrrl at Compost Studios]

My husband has almost completely bailed on Christmas lights. My ever-patient and cheerful 12-year-old daughter does them now. However, after dealing with the lights this year, she put a few ornaments on the tree and then lost interest in the rest. 14-year-old son passed on all Christmas decorating, including the tree. DH put a few white lights around the front entry and "retired" from the holidays. I did nearly the whole tree by myself as well as the other decorating. Ho ho ho.

[Pam]

Two years ago, tired of doing the whole thing myself, I broke down and bought a "faux" tree... I didn't buy a prelit one bc the tree I wanted didn't come with multicolored lights. I thought I would light the tree once and then store it with lights on... BIG MISTAKE. Long story short, two weeks, hundreds of dollars worth of lights and heartburn medication, and multiple bottles of wine later, the tree was lit. "Wild-eyed and hair askew" is an understatement! haha!

[Jane]

And that's how love is sustained. Through acts that make even strangers go awwww....

Will be seeing you soon!

[christy]

Oh my god! I am sooo impressed. Absolutely gorgeous work. I had to click on vesper! I can't believe I've never heard of it. Maybe you should bake him some brownies tonight!

We're putting lights on our tree and outside the house right now. Matt's trying to fix a blown batch, so I'm fiddling on the computer. Hopefully it doesn't take us eight hours!

Great work - sooo pretty!

[Rachel Cotterill]

That is one massive tree! I just bought an artificial tree which is small enough that we can put it away fully-decorated - we don't have kids, we don't need the "magic" of doing the work all over again each year ;)

[Cheri @ Blog This Mom!]

My tree and I have been fighting about lights all weekend. (See twitter.) I'm the Clark Griswold of lighting in this marriage, and I'm the one who does the lights.

I've found that it is healthier for me to fight with my tree than my spouse.

That is all.

[Ellie Belen]

Whenever hubby is about to undertake a project, one he rather not do, children are ushered out of the house, I stay out of the room, and when the humming starts, we know that he is about to blow!

[Fannie Junster]

I've been waiting for a good week now to see what your tree would look like this year.

FANTISTICO!!!

I had another laugh a few days ago over at Sheila's "Ma Vie Folle" at her words, pretty-much verbatim as I recall, she was speaking of outdoor Christmas lights, "All a man usually needs to put up lights is a ladder and the F-word! Bet he was into the vespers too.

[Deidre]

What a beautiful Tree! Well done, Chris! :)

I am so jealous that you have a fire place to hang your stockings over! So cute!

[anna see]

Wow, that's a huge tree! Good job, Chris! We just bought ours tonight. I almost killed my husband b/c he let the one I wanted "get away." Ooohhhh, Christmas fun!

[Cheri @ Blog This Mom!]

Okay. I just tweeted a picture of my tree. I added three strands of colored lights to our usual white lights this year because . . . Laura asked.

Yours is prettier though.

Good job Chris!

[mary]

Chris that makes me so happy that tree! So worth all the hard work!

xxx

[Alix]

Holy Mother Of All Christmas Trees! Oh my word. I don't' care how many Vespers it cost to get that thing up and running - it was worth every one. And all the swear words too. HIGH FIVES to Chris!

Now about that gorgeous fireplace! Swoon!

[Connie @ Young and Relentless]

I love it! And yes, he deserved that drink and probably a little something from you. (wink, wink)

[Mrs. D]

Wow! It's huge! Lights are frustrating, and I empathize b/c I do them at our house. Luckily, our tree is under 6' so it's not too bad.

[jessica]

i confess that is one part about being with a Christian that I miss. The beautiful tree and the cozy living room.

[CarlaDelvex]

holy-moly what a beautiful tree!!!!!!!!!!! (....erm...will it be annoying if I fill this space with exclamation marks? probably...so please just imagine them :) )

[Kate]

You know what drives me crazy? A few strands of lights draped around some branches. THAT on the other hand is my kind of tree. I do all of our trees - lights included, and I will spend hours making them look lit up from within. We get smaller ones though - I don't think I could tackle a beast like that.

[Lady Fi]

Awww... fantastic! But perhaps go for a smaller tree next year for the sake of preserving sanity?

[Captain Dumbass]

I love decorating and I got a really big tree this year, but even so, we are allowed to swear with abandon while putting all this stuff up. As long as the kids are either asleep or somewhere else. It helps.

[michael.offworld]

Such a beautiful tree. I bring our tree home and then pass the responsibility of decorating on to my dear wife. Not my thing! Her need for a Ceasar comes from the kids more than the lights I think.

I would be happy with a few lights, a star and a handful of balls. The old fashioned glass kind.

[Jennifer H]

Beautiful (huge!) tree...the lights can frustrate the heck outta me, but it's always worth it, isn't it?

Besides, what's the holiday season without a few swear words? :)

[Kevin (Always Home and Uncool)]

The effort paid off on that tree. It's a beauty. When three 100-light strand went partially blinky, I switched to LED on our tree this year. Hope they last longer.