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Thursday
Mar192009

Secret Lovers

I was in our home office one evening last summer after watching a fireworks display with Chris and the boys from our backyard. Our house sits on a corner lot across the street from a park where celebratory fireworks are usually launched. The holiday doesn't matter for this story. It could have been July 4th, Pioneer Day, or our "Small Town Days" annual celebration.

It was about 9:30 PM, the office was dark and I had entered quietly so I wouldn't wake Toddler Child who was asleep in his room above the office. I wanted to check email before getting ready for bed myself. The office has two interior french doors and one french door that opens to the exterior with a full length window next to it. There's a small porch off the office and the door and window provide a clear view of the street in front of our home. On this evening, the street was full of cars. People had parked in any available space in the neighborhood and walked to the park to watch the fireworks.

I hadn't turned on any lights when I noticed a small white car in front of our house with two girls sitting on the hood, leaning back on the front windshield. They didn't see me. Voyeuristically, I chose to move closer to the window, hiding myself, but watching.

The two girls both had long hair, trim figures and were an average sort of pretty. My kids aren't teenagers so I'm not very good at estimating ages, but I would guess the girls were 15 or 16. They were chatting and laughing, sitting on the hood of the car.

The fireworks ended, people clapped and whistled, and through our open windows I could hear the sounds associated with gathering blankets, snacks, and kids. The crowd was collecting itself, and would be making its way to parked vehicles. The two girls hopped off the car and walked to the sidewalk. They were standing near the car, shoulder-to-shoulder, but not touching the car or each other and I could see them clearly. My eyes had adjusted to the darkness.

They seemed to be discussing something. They turned and faced each other, quickly looked around, I now assume, to see if they were still alone. Then... they kissed. They held hands at hip height, and stole a long, loving kiss.

I just watched.

Within seconds they pulled away from one another, separated and walked around the little white car so they were standing on the street instead of the sidewalk. People trickled, then streamed from the park searching for their cars. Three kids—two boys and one girl—approached the white car while smiling and engaging in horseplay. They greeted the two girls who had a moment prior secretly kissed. One of the boys grabbed the hand of one of the kissing girls. They appeared to be boyfriend and girlfriend. The couple hugged, playfully kissed and hung on each other while the group of friends likely discussed where they would go next.

I just watched. And thought.

After several minutes the street was nearly empty of cars. The kids finally climbed into the little white car in front of our house. One of the kissing girls was in the backseat with her boyfriend, his arm over her shoulder, nuzzling her neck. The other kissing girl was in the front passenger seat, smiling and fiddling with the radio. The second boy was driving and the third girl was in the backseat trying to ignore the light petting occurring between the young couple—the boyfriend and the kissing girl.

As they drove away that night I wondered what the truth was. Who loved who? Who was afraid of who? And I felt sad.

Reader Comments (19)

What a sweet, confusing moment. I hope that the girls have felt like they've had the freedom to write their own ending to this story, without judgment or pressure. More than anything, I hope they feel loved and happy and safe.
March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer H
Oh. Wow. I felt so happy reading what you wrote. As I read your words, the kiss held so much more promise and hope than secret. I don't know why, it just did for me.

Beautiful story, Chris. I feel weepy, but in a good way.
March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCheri @ Blog This Mom!
It's both poignant and heartbreaking at the same time.

In a day and age when we can't truly and freely express our love for another human being... it really chokes the cockles of my heart.

(2 points for sounding like I have a huge vocabulary AND using the word "cockles" without giggling)

...

("cockles". teehee)

...(damnit)
March 19, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterthedemigod
That 80's song Secret Lovers is rolling around in my head now. I hope they both find happiness......
I don't know where to start... we have come a long way, but life can be so hard... Liz had a good friend in HS who came out senior year. I loved this friend, and I remember feeling so desperately sad upon hearing that she was gay.. not because I thought any less of her, but that I knew her journey would have such cruel moments... You wrote about it beautifully... and I wish our society would wake up and embrace kindness...
March 19, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterpam
Reading it I feel the same way. Life is hard especially at that age when big changes come into your life. I hope they find happiness and peace from fear and hurt.
March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer
Jennifer H. - Well said. Me too.

Cheri - The kiss did hold "promise and hope", but it also was cloaked in secret, fear, and perhaps shame.

Demigod - I love you, your huge vocabulary and your cockles. teehhee

Connie - I know! I've been singing it all day!

Pam - Thank you. I wish what you wish too. I appreciate you sharing the story about Liz's friend...

Jennifer - I'm glad to see your comment, Jennifer. Means a lot to me. Thank you.
March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChris
Wow, you saw all of this out your window. I believe things happen for a reason and you seeing this and your post will make lots of people think.
March 19, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermidwest mommy
Aww, Chris that was so sweet! I hope that they weren't ashamed.
March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDeidre
A bitter-sweet story - so beautifully told.

I wonder how it all ends?
March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLady Fi
That is very poignant. Perhaps when the girls are older they'll feel brave enough to admit their feelings. Sad that they feel they have to hide them now. I often forget that it would still be considered rather taboo by some people. I went to one of the first 'gay' weddings in the UK and it felt so natural. Society has come a long way, but we're not there yet are we?
March 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHenry the Dog's Mum
Like Connie (and apparently you) I now have the song "Secret Lovers" firmly wedged in my head.

I love this story - it just goes to show how many layers there are to life and how we rarely get to see below the first.
March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKate Coveny Hood
That is kind of sad. They are hiding who they really are.
March 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterthe mama bird diaries
That is fascinating. It is my humble opinion that kids are feeling much more free to explore lots of feelings with various people these days. I'm still unsure how that will all work out for them.

Recent blog post: What am I supposed to wear today?
I am a fellow look out the windower, but I've never seen something as interesting as this...unless you count the family of raccoons I saw last month, but why would you?

Anyway. High school must be a very difficult time to "come out." I had a dear friend from high school who finally admitted she was gay after college and I wonder if she had secret moments like this. Whatever the case with the two girls, I hope it all works out for them.
March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSan Diego Momma
wow, that gave me the chills. Is it two girls experimenting or is two girls afraid to let the world know what their true feelings really are?

Wow, Wow, Wow. what a post. Wow
March 21, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjessica
Quite a gripping thing to witness.

I think the kiss holds great promise.

Maybe next fireworks night you will get another installment? :)
March 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJannie Funster
Sweet, sad, and sadder.

I don't know. My best friend left her husband a couple years ago for a woman and I get it. In a way, I'm sure she and her ex both wish she'd discovered this part of herself years ago so they'd have been spared the hurt, but then again, I think back to high school and all the experimenting there is during that time and wonder if it's just that or if it's something real.

At least no matter what these girls choose, we live in a country and a time when it's no longer taboo (for the most part). I just hope they never have to face any repercussions over a kiss, over love, you know?
March 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDa Goddess
This made me a little sad too. I just found your blog through your guest post at Kate's. I loved how you set the scene so perfectly, and I hope those girls...well, I don't know...I hope they find happiness.





Recent blog post: Vote For Kate

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