The Flower

Supermodel and I signed up for a weight loss competition.  It's more of an accountability program at our local gym.  Your name goes on a board and remains there as long as you lose one pound a week.  If you don't lose a pound, your name is removed.  Obviously people with more weight to lose will have their name on the board longer and win the prize. [I don't know what the prize is.]  We each have five holiday pounds to lose, so we thought it might motivate us to be more disciplined for the next month or two.  We were weighed last Friday and our weights recorded - privately.

I was shocked.  I think I'm turning into a man because I'm in denial.  Instead of acknowledging that I'd put on a few pounds, I was certain that the gym scale was inaccurate.  Supermodel and I both double-checked our weight at home and have determined that the gym scale adds two pounds.  Whatever.  It's just a point of reference.

This morning marked week one.  We decided we'd do a treadmill workout and sweat off a few ounces before being weighed.  We started walking at a slow speed to warm-up.

I said, "I'm worried.  I ate well yesterday, but I might have overdone the fiber - lentils and brown rice.  Sometimes it can bind me up.  My bathroom routine wasn't normal this morning.  I might not make my pound.  BUT, I weighed myself yesterday [at the gym] and I was one pound lighter.  The rules say you can weigh-in Thursday or Friday.  I'll use yesterday's weight if I fail today.  Do you think that's cheating?"

"No.  I'm worried too.  I ate chili yesterday - a small portion - but something's not right."

We walked and looked straight ahead at the televisions.  I felt my lower abdomen.

Rubbing my stomach, I said, "Look.  I'm bloated.  Even when I carry extra weight, my stomach's relatively flat.  That's totally a bowel movement.  I can't go here though.  The bathroom's in the middle of the gym.  I feel like I have an audience."

Supermodel bent forward and tried to look at my bloated stomach.  I turned towards her, slightly lifted my t-shirt and pulled the top of my shorts down to reveal my belly button and lower abdomen.  I was careful... for a reason.

"Did you get another tattoo?  Is that a tattoo on your stomach?  When did you do that?"

"What?" [I was playing deaf.]

"When did you do that?"

"Huh?"

"When. Did. You. Do. That?" [She made eye contact, enunciated, spoke loudly and mouthed precisely in case I needed to read her lips.]

I lifted my shirt and let her get a good, but quick look.  "I'm not telling."

She grinned and laughed a bit.  She didn't compliment the flower, but didn't condemn me for having it either.  [Reminder:  I live in a VERY conservative area of Utah.  Tattoos aren't a big deal, but here in Mayberry where the worst graffiti I've seen said "DILDO", very few mother's my age have ink.]

"You know what Toddler Child calls this one?  The Special Mommy Flower.  If I'm sitting down, he requests OPEN YOUR FLOWER, which means he wants me to sit-up so he can see the entire thing.  For a while he thought all mom's had a flower on their stomach, so I told him only the special ones do.  He says he wants a Special Mommy Flower when he grows up."  [Nervous laughter.]

Supermodel listened to me babble, and just grinned.  "So, when did you do that?"

"Not telling."

We finished our workout, I never had a BM at the gym, and we both lost a pound.  I'm glad it's Friday.

[Taken myself in my dusty mirror.]

Comments

[CRoss]

That's one fine looking flower!

[Jannie Funster]

Girl, you look mighty fine to me. That tummy looks very slim.

I ran like the wind for part of my exercise today. Felt soooo great, running off the fat. Gonna do it again a few times next week. The one good thine about the impending time-change is it'll be cooler in the morning for running, it's getting almost hot here already

But Utah doesn't have a time-change, right? Lucky you guys.

Cute flower!

[Kate Coveny Hood]

How does a woman who has had three kids still have a stomach like that?? I think my stomach is way flatter now that it ever was before - but it's not as....firm. Gross. Don't even like thinking about it.

[Deidre]

Check out those abs! Daa-amn! ;-)

And that is a very pretty flower.

[Kaycee]

Love the flower, I'm from Utah and know a few moms with tatoos. But then again I live up north with the rest of the heathens.

[Cheri @ Blog This Mom!]

Those are your abs???? There's no BM in there. Shut up. You. Are. Hot. And a tattoo? I did not see that one coming. Although I am not a tattoo fan generally (childhood "issues" at the hands of someone with lots of tattoos, so, yeah), the idea of you having a tattoo makes me like you even more. And? It looks pretty on you. Because hello perfect abs. We both have three kids. But if I'd gotten your flower tattoo? It would be a fern.

[Connie @ Young and Relentless]

You are just full of surprises aren't you! LOL!

As if you weren't already one of the coolest chicks I know....this just makes you cooler. This might have to go on my list of things to shock my neighbor's with.

[March 6, 2009 |]

Holiday pounds...to BMs...to tattoos. Only you could make those masterful transitions.And if I had a midsection like that, I would not only tattoo it but also show it off in a bikini 365 days a year.

Recent blog post: Temper tantrum via new technology

[Bobbi Olson]

That's a cool tattoo! I never would have expected it to be on your tummy.

Wanna see mine? :)

[the mama bird diaries]

Forget the tattoo. How can your stomach still look like that? I'm so envious.

[anna see]

Oh my goodness. That's an impressive tummy. I'm jealous and I wish I didn't just eat those 3 brownies.

[tysdaddy]

I see no pudge whatsoever.

You are one cool mom . . .

[Jane]

You rock the abs, mother of three! I had a flat stomach up until 38 or so, and now I'm working HARD to get rid of the bulge. You look great! I would LOVE to get a tattoo, but some people - namely short-legged, glasses-wearing Jewish girls like me - just wouldn't look right with body art.

[pam]

impressive... I've never ever had a stomach that looks like that (fat and happy middle child... didn't walk until 18 months!). Every time I shopped with my daughter (high school age) she'd look at me in the dressing room and say, "after I have kids, I'm getting a tummy tuck". She honestly must have said that to me ten times, always followed with apologies and excuses about how it had nothing to do with MY stomach... haha! Silver lining to breast reconstruction was that they used my mother belly to rebuild... a tummy tuck thrown in! Funny, two older boys look pretty conservative... guess we can talk politics now (and I don't go there with too many Utahns!). My flower would be pretty wilted!!! :)

[Lady Fi]

You don't need to lose weight! Well, at least not around your stomach! Look at those abs...

Sorry, I was supposed to be looking at the flower. Nice!

[The Floydster]

You absolutely ROCK, Chris!! And I was thinking my little tat on my ankle was living on the edge!!! And I'm living in California, land of the crazies!!

[Chris]

Everyone - Thank you for the ab compliments. I'm feeling a little embarrassed now about posting the photo. I talked with Chris and considered not including the final picture, but we decided I'd get a few people asking to see the flower.

KEEP IN MIND, I sucked in my stomach, I clenched my butt cheeks, and experimented with angles in the mirror, and chose the dustiest mirror (like filming with a soft filter) in our house. There are several other reject shots that Oldest Boy and I both took of the flower. NOTICE, I did NOT include a photo of my chest, my thighs or my butt.

Thank you though.

[SabrinaT]

WOW, what a great tattoo.. And those abs!

[thedemigod]

1. I'm firmly convinced the picture of the abs is just to make all us fatties bow down in the face of fabulosity.

2. "Mommy open your flower"? Totally Oedipal.

3. I think I'd die if I lived where you lived. LOL! So there aren't any fab trannies out there?!