Sun, Sun, Sun, Here It Comes...

Twenty ten has a nice ring to it. I've heard several people say, "This is MY year! Good things are going to happen in twenty ten!" The number is attractive to look at...2010...it rolls off the tongue...it's hopeful and happy like a sunny day.

I've had a hard time jumping into the new year. A mire of thoughts, goals and disappointments have temporarily bound me. But...Here comes the sun. Doot 'n doo doo. Here comes the sun. And I say...it's all right...

I'm choosing to focus on two very important "Ef" words this year.

[Photo courtesy of Google Images.]

**********

FRUGALITY

My grandmother died August 20, 2009. I continue to miss her. I periodically watch video just to hear her voice and experience her as fully as I can. There weren't many things left after Mamaw died. She had a desk and some bedroom furniture that fit nicely in her room at the assisted living facility. My dad said I was welcome to it.

The furniture wasn't valuable, but it was solid. I don't know the history behind the desk, other than she'd always had it. The bedroom furniture was purchased in 1939, the year my grandparents were married. They weren't rich people, but they had enough money to replace furniture if they needed to. Their belief: If something was functional and well-maintained, why would a person spend money to replace it? Wasteful!  Mamaw painted furniture, rearranged it, sewed curtains out of sheets, made new covers for throw pillows, and her home always looked up-to-date, pretty and clean. Papaw transplanted bushes, borrowed starts from neighbor's perennials and their landscapes were lovely.

Chris and I aren't flashy spenders and I don't think we're blatantly wasteful, but I wouldn't want the "Green Police" raiding our home and surveilling our spending habits.

A portion of "frugality" defined per Wikipedia:

Common strategies of frugality include the reduction of waste curbing costly habits, suppressing instant gratification by means of fiscal self-restraint, seeking efficiency, avoiding traps, defying expensive social norms, embracing cost-free options, using barter, and staying well-informed about local circumstances and both market and product/service realities.

We're not striving to be spokespeople for frugal living, but we both want to simplify without losing the spirit of generosity or the joy of occasional self-indulgence. We want to do better.

FRIENDSHIP

Relationships have been a big topic for me over the past few years. My desire to connect with people from my past, the confusion and disappointment I've experienced when someone has rejected me, the expectations I have of my family and friends, and the sadness and anger I feel as I try to understand that many people don't share my eagerness, or even worse...my memories. I assume I've made a person or two feel the same way, and if they were to ever reveal themselves to me, I would sincerely and humbly apologize and search for the memories that were important to them. If nothing else, I would listen and be thankful that I was a part of someone's recall...their personal tapestry.

My mother is in her 60s and has lost some dear friends over the past ten years. Until recently, I never really thought about how that would feel. I take for granted that T, Amy, Em and others will always be there when I call. I don't want to have regrets. 

Chris and the boys are my natural priority in life. This goes without saying for any partner or parent.  But the importance and value of friends...including the friends we're related to [my brother, my grandmother, my mother], and the friendships from our past, are at risk of slipping away due to busy, over-scheduled lives. There are new friendships waiting to be nurtured and discovered, and I sincerely want and need to tend to some of them.

I've learned the hard way [jumping in too fast, revealing too much too soon] that the kinds of friendships that are worthy of the following two quotes are rare [which is unfortunate, really], often take years to develop and/or fall into the category of crossing paths with a kindred spirit.

A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him, I may think aloud.

    - Ralph Waldo Emerson, in "Friendship" in Essays, First series (1841)

Your friend is your needs answered. He is your field which you sow with
love and reap with thanksgiving. And he is your board and your
fireside. For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for
peace.

    - Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet, 1923

**********

Twenty ten is here in all it's sunshiny glory. I'm finally ready to embrace it with a few personal goals, and intentions of improving frugality and friendships, inspired by a person who modeled both words for me, and managed to do so while smiling—displaying hope and happiness. [I'm blowing you a kiss, Mamaw.] 

I know she would sing this with me.

Comments

[Pam]

Beautiful. Frugality runs in my family, too. WHen we were cleaning out Mom's house before her move to a retirement community, she wanted me to take the growing potatoes from her veggie bin (and I mean GROWING) to her neighbor so they wouldn't go to waste! I love the quotes you chose. So true. And I'm proud to call you friend. xo

[Kate Coveny Hood]

Frugality is not my strong point. I'm certainly not a hoarder - but I do love my "things." They may not be valuable in the sense of money (I will never raise funds through Sotheby's auctions) - but I place a lot of emotional value in things... I could work on that.

I am god at friendships though. I've lost a friend of two for reasons I'll never understand - but for the most part, I work hard to maintain the relationships that I find so central to my identity.

We have very similar priorities. I'm not really into resolutions - but I have some life "focuses" that I think about each year. I think these are excellent.

[Chris]

I love that about your mother, Pam. I sometimes use busyness as an excuse to avoid being frugal. Granted there are times when the emotional expense of not spending the money on something we could do ourselves doesn't offset the financial savings. I'm certain you know that feeling! Thanks for the supportive comment, friend. XO

[Chris]

I'm with you, Kate! I enjoy nice things, but I find myself wearing and using the same basic "things", while other "things" remain unused in a closet or cabinet.  I notice it with the things in my kids' lives too.  We've tried to keep materialism in check, but to see Mamaw's life reduced to a few very simple items... humbled me.  Resolutions are tough for me too, but goals and "focuses" seem to help.To: chrisyross@msn.com

[Corbie]

See, we're kindred spirits...Kahlil Gibran is my favorite author, bar none. It's our year - let's go drink a bottle of cheap wine together (frugality :). Hugs and kisses.

[Mrs. D/ 3 men and a lady]

I hope your 2010 is a wonderful one and that you succeed with your "f" goals. It is sad, isn't it, that we spend our lives accumulating things and then spend the last few years paring down our stuff (if we've lived that long).

[christy]

I am trying to live more frugally too - it definitely does not come naturally to me. But I do absolutely love the feeling of saving money (coupons and sales) and re-using or re-purposing items in my home. And of deciding NOT to buy things. Like a shoe rack - we were going to spend $130 on a shoe rack, and after thinking about it, I realized by doing a lot of rearranging, and re-purposing a shelf from the garage and moving it into the foyer closet I wouldn't need to buy new furniture. That felt so good.

Also, I'm so sorry for the loss of your grandmother. I know time heals, but it takes a long time. We're still missing Matt's mother, who passed away last year too.

[Ellie Belen]

I have always been a frugal person, okay cheap. But I am really BIG on recycling, to be more pioneer in spirit, fixing things instead of buying a new one, and to be conscious on how I spend my time and money.

The best time spent has been with family and friends. Whenever you need a cheerleader, an anchor, or a shoulder, it's nice to know, we are here for one another.

[Captain Dumbass]

I think I'm going to grow my hair and a beard like Ringo.

[Deidre]

I love that song! :)

I think frugality is a great great goal! It's not something that I was brought up on (well, my grandparents certainly don't practice it - my parents do)...but it's something I've tried to adopt as I've moved out on my own.

From the sounds of it, and all your loving comments on my blog in the past, you're doing just friend creating friendships...:)

[Connie @ Young and Relentless]

We're working on being more frugal too.

And I love that friendships are one of your goals. I love that you're my friend.

[Quadelle]

Great goals, and for great reasons. Plus, I think you got the personal mix just right.

[jessica]

what a beautiful post. Living in L.A. and having to start over constantly is very difficult for the reasons that as soon as you make that connection, they move out of state, such is the way of L.A. I have never been in a more transient environment and it breaks my heart each time to have to say goodbye.

[Judy]

This darn "new" Facebook...just now seeing your link to this. Loved your post. I have been thinking a lot about priorities, and given my parents' health concerns this past year, another "F word" is reigning -- family. It's hard to be so far from family but good friends can help bridge the gap. :-) We were all just talking about a get-together with your clan -- we need to plan soon.

[Anastasia]

Chris - I really identified with this post. January has been hard and I'm positive about the rest of 2010! I completely embrace both your goals, especially friendship. I tend to be a pretty frugal person but I think the concepts of less, reuse, conserve, un-clutter are really important for me. And friendship, well that's been a big one in my life and keep believing in it's core power in my life.

I've taken a little different direction with my blog, I'm going to post a lot more and about things that make me think, laugh, smile, sad or just say hmmmm....books, tv, movies, music, anything that moves me. I hope you will like it!

:)

[Jannie Funster]

Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter.

Well not that lonely with loving ones around us.

Half my blogging buds have the blahs. The other half are swilling beer, and still feeling a bit blah-ish. Some have retreated to warmer climes of the heart. Some have gone to Hoboken, because they like the sound of that name. Others have taken to potato chips with hot cocoa -- that actually sounds pretty good to me!

So you're going to blow a frugal horn? Nothing wrong with that. I love the idea of clippings for new plants, my relatives always do that too. Or they go to the woods and bring home saplings. Or steal them from newly-planted gardens in the dead of night.

Here's another friendship quote, "Friendship is the wine of life" -- Edward Young

I drink of thee and your wonderful blog, Chris!

happy twenty ten.

xo

[CarlaDelvex]

I get the whole friendship thing...am in the slow middle of losing a friend to extenuating circumstances. It's inevitable and is making me re-evaluate the amount of effort one needs to put into a 'friendship'.imho a good friendship takes very little *effort*... it's natural and organic and most importantly... mutual. If it's an *effort* my guess is it's not a great friendship.

But maybe I'm just a bit cynical at the moment!

Seems to me from the above comments that you have some fantastic friends.They are the kind to always be cherished.

[michael.offworld]

F-ing good goals (ha ha). There's no doubt in my mind that you will achieve them. Probably already have...