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Tuesday
May112010

I Like Her

Admittedly she wasn't the type of mother who volunteered to host puppet shows in the basement on a rainy day, but she taught me that a Bloody Mary and a Coke would ease my motion sickness on bumpy plane flights. The carbonation in the Coke relieved excess air/gas in the gastrointestinal tract, the sugary soda and the vegetable juice provided some "oomph" to coat my stomach, and the vodka [just a little] calmed my nerves.

There have been occasions over the years when I have been tough on my mom. There were parts of her that weren't conventional. When we lived in the Midwest in the 70s, she looked different than the other moms. She didn't wear her hair permed and cut short or carry Wyler's out to the backyard on a tray with a big smile. She macramed hanging plant holders and matter-of-factly told us to drink out of the hose if we were thirsty. Her long pony-tails and Doris Day-like features caught people off-guard when she politely but firmly told a few folks in Indiana that she did not want them to say the "N" word in front of her or her children.

[Mom and me - Christmas 1967]

Mom and me - Christmas 1967

As each year passes, I appreciate my mother more and more. Trite but true. I now recognize that she mothered conventionally in many ways -- the important ways -- by encouraging us to be kind, to laugh in general (and at ourselves), to read, to try new things, and ultimately to be independent.

Mom doesn't share my love of running, triathlons, skiing, or hiking, and there are many aspects of our personalities that are different. But we are "one" when we shop, and I can't think of a single person that, despite everything and anything I could have ever said or done to hurt them, remains in my life, other than Mom. She also makes me laugh. Contort my face in ugly ways, laugh. I make her laugh too.

[We were trying to get a picture of her dog, Judy, in the tree. (Mom's idea, for the record.) Every
time Mom got close to the tree, Judy stepped on her head.]

Mom and I trying to get Judy to stand in the tree.

Judy in the tree... and Mom's head.

We've been cooking together for years...

Mom and I cooking - 1996

 

She's held the bowl not only when I've had to vomit, but has wedged herself between two car seats to help a sick boy on the way to the doctor's office. [It was serendipity at its finest. She happened to be at our house for a visit.]

Mom helping Oldest Boy 

Mom was just here for a few days for Mother's Day weekend. We had a wonderful time. We become better friends as each year passes. We understand one another. I love that she's intelligent, funny, interesting ... and pretty. She has good taste and a solid sense of self. She's always been a strong person [probably why we've had our challenges over the years], and that remains, but there's an increasing softness. A sensible softness, not an ooey-gooey saccharin softness. Difficult to describe.

[Getting ready to go to brunch on Sunday. The four-year-old boy refused to have his picture taken with us.]

 

Mom, Oldest Boy, Middle Boy and me - Mother's Day 2010

[A full belly (and a sucker from Kay-Kay) helped him change his mind at the restaurant.]

All three boys, Mom and me - Mother's Day 2010

 

As a teenager, many years ago, I had been particularly sassy and disrespectful to Mom. Through gritted teeth, she said, "You may be my daughter, Christina Hautem, so I have to love you. But I don't have to like you. Right now, I don't like you very much."

I understood what she was saying then, but I understand the difference between "love" and "like" when it comes to family members more and more.

I suppose all I'm trying to say is ... Mom's fun. I like her.

**********

[The video shows Mom's picnic attempt with the four-year-old on a cold, windy day. She was also kind enough to bring me a set of her old golf clubs.  A friend invited me to play in a fundraising tournament. I don't golf... but Mother did her best to teach me.]

Mother's Day 2010 from Chrisy Ross on Vimeo.

 

 

Reader Comments (23)

What a great snapshot into your life and your relationship with your mom! She sounds like an awesome woman - just like you! Love those pictures with the dog in the tree (almost) and the cooking in the overalls! But I'm most impressed with her patience during your golf lesson, and with your commentary on the screen -- love that! (I'd love to learn to edit videos like that!)
May 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterchristy
I wonder what kind of relationship I'll have with my kids when they're adults. My son, almost 15, has always said he wants to live with us or be near us. Always. My daughter, almost 13, has such an appetite for new experiences. She can't wait to be free to pursue them. I imagine my son settling in Virginia and being part of our lives and my daughter being busy and faraway, swooping in only for Thanksgiving or Christmas, but who knows?

Thus far the teen years haven't diminished our bond and in some ways I feel closer to my kids than I ever have. I'm cherishing these times, knowing we only have a few more years as a family unit under one roof.
I'm not ready to think about our family unit becoming dismantled. I can't bear the thought of our sons not living with or near us, but I know how excited I was to spread my wings when I was a young adult.

I've determined that if I want to remain close to my sons when they're men, I'll need to have a good relationship with whomever they choose to partner off with [if they buddy-up with someone]. Even if I have to fake it!
May 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChris
Gosh she's pretty.

And I'll never forget you and her flambe-ing the ceiling. Good times, Chris, good times.
May 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlixandra Hice
This was a self-indulgent post for my mom, Christy, but thank you. If you have a Mac, editing videos is simple. I'm not a technical person AT ALL. It's a bit time consuming going through footage, but a Mac makes piecing things together very easy. :)
May 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChris
PS: Nice putting form, Shakira.
May 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlixandra Hice








You crack me up. Mom's all petite and lady-like. I'm stomping around out there like a man with fake boobs.
May 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChris
You are so lucky to have a Mom like her. So very lucky.

Love the video of you learning to golf.
Chris - Love the post. You have a nice voice when you write. Engaging and familiar. My mother said the same thing to me once when I was a teenager (love/like) and I always remind of it and we laugh. There are few things in the world as intense, beautiful and strong as a mother-child relationship.

Beautiful pictures and great video! Thanks for sharing.
May 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca
Sounds like the relationship I am working on with my daughter. The one I never had (or wanted) with my mom. Beautiful post, and gorgeous Mom. BTW, you look just like her!
May 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMiddle Aged Woman
Lovely post (as always). You are lucky to have each other!
May 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJudy
Wonderful post.. OMG you look the same age in most of the pics!! I have been known to say to Liz, "I'll always love you but I don't always like what you do!! xo
May 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterpam
Take it from a hacker . . . you definitely don't want to stand behind somebody swinging an iron.

Pearls, I tell ya . . .
May 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commentertysdaddy
She is way prettier than Doris Day! but I do see the resemblance -

And I am going to quote her endlessly for the next few years I know- I have to love you but I don't have to like you - as my kids all head for their teens!
May 12, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermary
This is just soooo SWEET!!

I didn't realize how much Toddler Boy looks like YOU until I saw the 1967 pic of you -- quite the resemblance to his mama.

My golf is not even as good as yours. :) But your mom's swing pretty-much rocks.

You both are very pretty!

xo
May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJannie Funster
Your mom is adorable. In that first picture she looks like she's a teenager! And I love how she always kept (or often went back to) her bangs - I do appreciate a "signature look."

And this is so random - but I just remembered that the first post that I read here had something to do with shoe shopping AND I think that in one of those pictures, you are wearing the pair of wedges that you wrote about? Possible? If it's true - don't think I'm weird. Just think I really like shoes.
May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKate Coveny Hood
Thanks Chrisy!A total love letter..sent it to all my girlfriends.For the record the photo of you under the Christmas tree looks amazingly like "Toddler Boy".From Mom's "little girl", to Mom's best friend...

Love, Mom



May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMom
Loved it! It is interesting how our relationships with our moms evolve. RR does resemble you quite a bit!Let's talk soon :)xo Robin
May 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRobin
Your mum sounds a lot like my mum.

She looks so young in these photos!
May 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLady Fi
I kind of see myself feeling more and more like I do understand and like my mom much like you say about your mother.
May 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterC...
awesome...one day, one of your 35 children will write a post like this about you!
May 19, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermuskrat
my mother was very unconventional back in the day. Not only did she work full time but she traveled for work as well. she was older than most mothers and we were from Canada and she had no long term relationships to count on. She taught me that women can do what any man can do if she put her mind to it.

That saying about love and like. I heard that a lot when I was growing up.
May 19, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjessica
Chris,Your mother is divine. I remember the post with the video of you flambeing something, and it was heart warming. Beautiful post, and what a fantastic and clever video. Your mom is a great lady, and she raised one too.

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