I Love You Too, Rocker
Friday, January 28, 2011 Labels are so unfair. As kids, they can be difficult if not impossible to shake. I had a buttoned-up image in high school. One day I wanted to dress grungey instead of preppy. Not only was I uncomfortable, but so were the kids around me. Like, "Whatcha doin?" Don't screw with the norm, man.
It goes without saying that we all have many facets to our personalities, but most of us settle into a recognizeable label or two, either by choice, or by allowing ourselves to be steamrolled into it. It took me years to have the courage to pick at, peel, and rip the labels off of myself that I didn't want there in the first place. I realized, Gee, that wasn't so hard.
I'm careful with labels and descriptors around our sons. Pointing out one boy's emerging interest or talent has -- at times -- limited the other two, unintentionally. All three boys are finding and creating their personal definition, and they deserve to feel comfortable editing well into adulthood. I don't want my parental power [and yes, I still have some] to influence who they want to be. Or, who they are.
Disclaimer complete.
Inspite of my careful word choice around the kids, they label themselves and each other. The boys have -- in their own words -- been a birdwatcher, bug-catcher, chef, artist, scientist, nature-lover, the athletic one, the diabetic, the creative one, the polite one, the tidy one, the sloppy one, the ornery one, school boy, and the rocker.
Middle Boy [11] is a self-described rocker. He wears his label loud and proud, but I remind him that he's like a Colorform set. He's the laminated board and the labels he tries on in life, as long as he's careful and kind, are vinyl and easy to remove.
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In an effort to get the following photograph for my parents' holiday card...
... we had plenty of outtakes like this one.
Christmas dinner was punctuated with exciting moments like this...
...and a tender moment -- where the young help the old make the "rock on" sign properly -- is captured below. [Although, no one is doing it right. But, shhh, don't tell.]
Even my mother and the son who chooses not to be a rocker, had fun playing with the vinyl label.
Middle Boy seems happy with his evolving identity for now. He feels good about himself and is enjoying the Colorform scene he created. Who knows how long it will last?
All I know is, my sweet boy thinks he's leaving me the "rock on" sign in the shower every day. But the wonderful thing is... he's signing, "I love you."
Reader Comments (30)
I hear you about labels... It's difficult not to use any labels at all, but if they are removable or made of elastic, then I guess it's OK... What I'm even more careful about is not comparing the kids to others... that is very damaging in the long run (according to my sisters who were constantly compared to me, their brainy older sibling)...
I love rappers with freckles. Send him my way.
Thanks, Mary. xox
Those damn hats stick to my forehead because I'm usually buzzing around serving everyone and I... *perspire*. Those hats aren't going anywhere, Captain. Prepare yourself.
Yes. We avoid comparing, also. I think labeling the kids creates a comparison, though. So difficult...
One of the things I have enjoyed about moving is the chance to shed all my labels at once and start fresh in a new place. Each time I start over, I'm careful to keep myself from automatically recreating my old life in a new place. It requires being mindful and aware, and it also means sometimes I have to live with a lot of "empty space" in my life while I consider what to fill it with. Having "empty space" in your life is a dangerous thing in America. People are judged by their schedules.
Age has also made it easier for me to remove labels that OTHERS put on me, and hand them back to the giver. An empowering habit I wish I'd had when I was 20.
I hear you on the labels. It's hard work to avoid them, though!
But I can't believe I don't know what the real rocker symbol is. I'm afraid I've been saying I LOVE YOU all these years too...
Thanks, Gabi. Okay... I'll share my dorky "sans braces" smile in the next post. Promise. : )
Your entire comment is insightful and resonates with me, especially the last two sentences. I wish you taught life classes. I'd never be tardy, and I'd sit in the front row. Plus, you have a cool voice. [literally and figuratively] : )
Those are holiday Cracker party hats, but they do look like bandannas now that you mention it! I don't think Duke is turned on to that look. : )
I *think* you're supposed to pull your thumb in for the "rock on" sign. I love the idea of "rock on" and "I love you" being the same. What do I know?
I'm SURE you were effective... look at your kids! And we're totally into the Christmas crackers... all of us. Miss YOU, friend. xox
I promise not to tell Middle Child that he is Rocking Loving :)
That Christmas centerpiece is SO nice- looking!
Fun parents!
xxoo
Personally...I *love* outtake shots!! Here's to having fun in pictures...and in life!!
and really love the "i love you" sign....