Good Sports

From the beginning, Middle Boy said he didn't want to do it.  Oldest Boy and 4-Year-Old Boy were in.  Mary [the dog] seems to enjoy the attention when I fiddle with her, so she's usually cooperative as long as her outfit isn't too tight.

I managed to talk Middle Boy into wearing the costume for pictures only.  Oldest Boy tried to persuade him to wear it trick-or-treating, but Middle Boy was firm.  He wanted to be Plo Koon, a Star Wars Jedi Master.  As far as he was concerned, his brothers and the dog could dress in The Wizard of Oz costumes I so lovingly purchased.

 

 

The Tin Man, Cowardly Lion and Dorothy embraced their roles!

 

The Scarecrow?  Not so much...

 

After we took pictures, Oldest Boy began feeling... awkward.  I think I said, "Adorable!" a few too many times.  Middle Boy quickly changed into his Plo Koon costume.  Oldest Boy watched his brother don a cool mask and a light saber.  His feet were growing colder by the second.

"I don't think I want to trick-or-treat as the Tin Man."

"You look awesome!  With [4YO Boy] and Mary, you'll be the hit of the neighborhood.  Just wear it with confidence!"

His eyes started to well.  Chris, standing behind Oldest Boy, looked at me and gently shook his head, as if to say, "Surrender, Dorothy."

"What are you going to be?" I asked.

"I can be a Jedi. It's easy."

Oldest Boy scrambled, removed his make-up and appeared on the front porch ready to trick-or-treat as a Jedi.  Our Cowardly Lion was confused and disappointed.  At four-years-old, he was young enough to want to remain in his costume, but old enough to know he'd been duped.

Mary dressed as Princess Leia for Halloween three years ago.  I thought it would be inappropriate for her to be Jabba's slave Leia [in the metal bikini], but I'm rethinking for next year...

[Click on all photos to enlarge.]

Finding My People Is Like Learning to Drive A Stick Shift

I thought I had temporary arrested development a year or so ago. I'm concerned it's not so temporary.

When I was kid, making friends was easy. Whoever I sat next to in class was my friend. Whoever lived on my street was my friend. It didn't matter if we had opposing interests. Other than the joy and exhilaration we both received while playing with matches, my childhood friend, Samantha, and I had very little in common. The story is similar for the friends I made in junior high, high school and college. Different sports, different boy or girl attractions, different styles and different quirks. We were simply friends. 

Of all of those friends, I remain very close to a handful, and even fewer allow me full range of motion. I feel thankful for those important relationships, but I enjoy meeting people and making new friends.

For many reasons, the past 12-15 years have afforded me few opportunities to cultivate new relationships. We've lived in four states, have had to help our sons through some challenges [everyone's doing great now], and priorities have made themselves clear to Chris and me. I've met several people, it's the nurturing and cultivating of the new relationships where I seem to fail.

Like learning to drive a stick shift.

I get excited and rev the engine, a little too much gas, then I pop the clutch and take off with a giant jerking motion, followed by several smaller jerking motions. Then I slow down, because I came on too strong, but I don't get the clutch, the brake and the release from the gas just right, so I kill the engine. Not enough. Then I try again, still too much gas, I jerk and lunge, apologize for the whiplash and make promises of a smoother ride in the future, I pull back on the gas and kill the engine...again.

I assume a level of intimacy too soon, then I recoil and appear aloof. My throttle's messed up. I've noticed this as I've reconnected with old friends, and as I've made new friends in person or on the internet. As a kid, I didn't put any thought into approaching others with a genuine enthusiasm for making new friends. As an adult, I think it freaks people out.

Often, I truly don't have the time to cultivate relationships at a moderate pace. It's speed dating for me, baby. When I have the time, I'm all your's and I try to pour a month [or more] of "dates" into a brief conversation or email exchange. Then, I fall off radar. Other times, I'm overly-aware of my arrested development because it feels like it's been so long since I've had a consistent and moderate pace in life, so I disappear out of insecurity and embarrassment. Paralyzed by what to say or not say.

I'm thankful for my tent-post-friends, the ones who afford me full range of motion. With them, my tarp is large and strong. They all live states away, so If it wasn't for the telephone and email, I'd be permanently, socially disabled. I've gotten good at having an intense five-minute relationship with the grocery store cashier, the girls and boys who work at various cosmetic and fragrance counters, as well as anyone who's trying to sell me ANYTHING. One of my tent-post-friends admits to doing the same thing, because she too is isolated and busy.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is, if you see me jerking spastically towards you, make some room and I'll do the best I can to not hit you too hard, shift smoother and not kill the engine. Thank you.

I Didn't Finish My Post On Procrastination

One late afternoon during a lull in homebound work and tasks, I called Chris to touche base...

Me:  Anything new?

Chris:  No. You?

Me:  Not really. I've had an unproductive day. Questioned everything I wrote. I attempted three blog posts because I was procrastinating working on other things. The first one on Why I Blog turned into Why I Write and it felt too personal. I wanted to tap into the "attention whore" theory Neil blogged about—which I still need to forward to you—but I got sidetracked. I don't have enough time to do all this.

THEN, I started a post titled Procrastination and I got all freaked out that I have a psychological disorder after Googling the word. Wikipedia nailed me, but I found some great articles on how to resolve my reasons for procrastinating. So that was good. I still have issues though.

THEN, I thought I need to address my running blog because I haven't posted since the last race, but I want to let that blog go, so I need to post something about how you're running with me now and I'm trying to talk you into doing the Triple Trail Challenge next summer because Supermodel says she's out.

I hardly even looked at my other projects.

Chris:  I think you should finish the procrastination post and title it "I Didn't Finish My Post On Procrastination".

Me:  And have a blank page?

Chris:  No. Post what you have written so far.

Me:  I only titled it, then I went to Google so I could paste a definition at the top of the post. That's when I got freaked out and diagnosed myself.

Chris:  So you have nothing?

Me:  I have nothing.

Chris:  So the content is...light.

Me:  Very.

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Per Wikipedia: [Which, according to my sons, is not a good source because, "...ANYONE can post information on there!"]

Procrastination is the deferment of actions or tasks to a later time. Psychologists often cite this human behavior as a mechanism for coping with the anxiety associated with starting or completing any task or decision. ^[1] Psychology researchers use three criteria to categorize procrastination: for a behavior to be classified as procrastination, it must be counterproductive, needless, and delaying.^[2]

For an individual, procrastination may result in stress, a sense of guilt, the loss of personal productivity, the creation of crisis and disapproval from others for not fulfilling one's responsibilities or commitments. These combined feelings can promote further procrastination. While it is normal for people to procrastinate to some degree, it becomes a problem when it impedes normal functioning.*Chronic procrastination may be a sign of an underlying psychological disorder.

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*  Uh-oh.