It never fails.

Chris doesn't travel that much for work.  He has two, one-week-long commitments each year for his employer.  One is in June, the other in October.  He's away now.

I can count on a couple of things happening when Chris travels.

1)  I always get sick.  Not "gonna die" sick, but functioning sick.  Just enough to feel crummy and want to rest.  Chris left our home at 4:30 a.m. on Saturday.  At 1:30 a.m. - three hours before he departed - I was hit with a head cold.  I woke him up.  "Hey.  I'm sick.  Isn't that unfrickin believable?  Always happens when you leave town.  Sorry to wake you."

2)  At least one of the kids vomits in the middle of the night.  I'm not talking about a child waking you up saying their stomach hurts, and you gently guide them to the toilet, they get sick, you brush their teeth and put them back to bed. 

I'm talking about a child running into your room crying and gasping, the smell preceding them, you jump from your bed to the child, pick them up or push them hard, and get them to the bathroom so they can spit the last teaspoon of sick into a toilet.  The rest of the sick has hit every linen on their bed (including the dust ruffle), the wall (including baseboards), and marked a trail on the carpet from their room to yours.  A Hansel and Gretel technique.

The good news is, we've not had a vomit incident.  I hesitate to even type that.  Chris would shush me and call me crazy for giving this a voice.  He's not superstitious, but he would consider this too serious to tempt.

The bad news is, I'm sick.  Mother would say, "Lets focus on the positives!

• The kids aren't sick!  Well, except Toddler Child, but that's just a little congestion.


• Everyone's finally sleeping through the night!  [It's honestly been years in our house.]


• You have the WHOLE bed to yourself!


• Your hair's been looking much better lately!


• Oh, and you're not pregnant!"

Comments

[Kate]

Those last few bullets would be the top of my list. As much as it's harder when my Chris is away on business, I do get kind of excited about having evenings to myself to read (translation: watch Gossip Girl on Netflix) and go to bed early (translation: lie in bed watching Netflix movies when I should be getting much needed sleep). And I LOVE having the bed to myself. I sleep on a diagonal.

[we_be_toys]

Having the bed to oneself is always reason to celebrate, as is children who FINALLY sleep through the night.I so hope you're feeling better, so you can have just a little time to revel in having the remote to yourself!PS: I loved your description of the vomiting child, ala Hansel and Gretel, and that last teaspoon that actually makes it to the toilet. Priceless image and oh so true!

[Joe Girl]

I think every woman, whose husband travels, has this list. When I was a kid, I lived in the country, along the Ottawa River (gorgeous - my parents still live in the same house). Every time my Dad would travel, a bat would decide to move in. Ack!!! I eventually realized they are, for the most part, harmless. My Mother however, would hide under the covers until daybreak.

[Mrs.D]

Well, at least you have the bed to yourself.

[San Diego Momma]

If one of the kids don't vomit, it's because I threw salt at the computer as an offering to the barf gods.

You're welcome.

[Cheri @ Blog This Mom!]

Oh no! I hope you feel better soon.

[csquaredplus3]

Kate - I sometimes watch tv when I should be sleeping too.

We Be Toys - Thanks. I feel terrible right now. I'm looking forward to a little solo remote time tonight.

Joe Girl - Your poor mother! I wouldn't like a bat in the house either.

Mrs. D. - True, and it is nice. Easier to make in the morning.

San Diego Momma - You made me laugh - a crusty, deep laugh. Thank you.

Cheri - Thank you too.

[Da Goddess]

Hang in there, baby! This too shall pass.

As for item #2, you already know how I feel about that. And I took care of that one for you. The Emesis gods have been appeased.

Pseudoephedrine 12-hour. Takes care of that congestion just enough to make you feel human again. And Tylenol.

I'm sending you healthy thoughts! And a cabana boy (if I can find him).

[Anissa@hope4peyton]

I think we got your barfing over here, so feel safe! We are taking one for the team.

[tysdaddy]

No barfing here . . . just a school-wide case of strep throat. Oldest daughter is going to see the doctor tomorrow . . . So we got your trouble here. You don't get it this time . . .

[Tristan]

You're doomed...I predict one or more children will be barfing by midnight. I know a great carpet cleaner...because no matter how well you 'clean it up' I know you will still be able to smell it.

[Corbie]

My out-of-town-husband adventure is always a clogged toilet. And not just the 'won't go down' kind - I mean, the overflowing down to the next floor of the house kind. I am considering the feasibility of having a port-a-potty delivered to the end of our driveway each time he leaves.

[Sherri]

I totally left a comment yesterday and now I don't see it. I could have possibly just hit "preview" instead of "post" and then left the site without realizing it. Rest assured, it was witty. In fact, I'm POSITIVE it was the funniest comment I've ever written and that you would have ever read. EVER.

I hope you're feeling better!

[csquaredplus3]

DaGoddess - I'm happy to have a nurse friend...

Anissa - Thanks for doing your part, although I think you've taken plenty for the team. XO

Tysdaddy - You and Anissa are both "taking one for the team" - we ALL owe you! Hope everyone feels better soon.

Tristan - Shush!

Corbie - That's funny! Usually we have fewer clogged toilet's when Chris leaves town. I'm proud that you and your kids set some PR's when Robert's away. Neato.

Sherri - I SAW that comment in my email, but it's vapor on the blog? I can't find that it ever existed. Weird. I'm sorry. It's a very funny comment. As a matter of fact, I'm going to my email RIGHT now so I can copy it over here... Oh, and thanks. I still feel sick.

[Sherri]

Minus any references to kids but add in a few comments about completely NOT understanding that NOT eating meat has NOT given me an incurable autoimmune disease, I think we might have the same Mother.

(copied by Chris from email because something on the blog didn't work)

[Jennifer H]

I am knocking on wood for you from here. (It's the same at our house...the kids aren't sick every time he's gone, but every time they're sick, he's away.)

Feel better!

[Da Goddess]

Are you feeling any better?

[Jennifer]

Oh how I hate the trail of vomit. So far it hasn't been totally disgusting. It's still 'baby' vomit.This months recipes will be up shortly. Enjoy

[kate]

that last one should count for three or four.