Use that word in a sentence for me. Please.

It was Mother's Day at the boys' school on Wednesday this week.  In addition, it was their first Cotillion class of the season that same evening.  I was simultaneously looking forward to and dreading the day because it was logistically full and I'm single parenting this week with a head cold. 

We ultimately managed the day okay.  A neighbor watched Toddler Child while I went to the school in the morning.  I got home around noon, picked up Toddler Child, packed dinners for everyone, got the boys' Cotillion clothes ready, popped some Vicodin Advil and hit the road for our long night.  We went to bed tired and I was proud no child had my fingernail marks in their arm.  The older boys were helpful.  Toddler Child was what one would expect.

My friend Corbie blogged about her Mother's Day experience at the school.  The punchline of her post was that her second grader made a comment about his "nuts" in front of his science class and all the well-dressed, visiting mothers.  It's a cute story.

Through some email exchanges I told Corbie I doubted Oldest Boy and Middle Boy even knew what "nuts" were.  I was like Tina Fey's version of Palin regarding the Bush Doctrine.  Smiling and shaking my head I said, "They don't know what that is."

On the way home from school yesterday I decided to ask them.  "Boys, do you know what it means when someone's referring to their nuts?"  They surprised and actually pleased me when they said they did.  [Our boys are a bit sheltered which is good sometimes, but we struggle finding balance so they're not completely counterculture.]  Oldest Boy said he never says "nuts" though.  He said it was cool in the 2nd and 3rd grade to say "nuts" a lot, but it's not cool in the 5th grade.  It's no big deal.

Middle Boy said he only says it when he needs to and he thought it was more appropriate than "weiner" and "penis".  I asked him how he used it.  He said, "If I get hurt there, I say, 'Aw.  My nuts.'"

This was all very matter-of-fact.  There was no embarrassment or giggling.  They answered my questions, gave me examples, and just like that, the conversation was over.

I chatted with my Dad last night.  I told him how our week was going and about my long day on Wednesday.  Dad knows the rules of courtesy and basic etiquette, and would agree that it's important to teach kids these things, but he's not an advocate of Cotillion.  He never directly criticizes our decision to send the boys, but it's evident to me that he thinks it's overkill.

I told him about the "nuts" conversation and he laughed.  I thought he'd be happy because he's a "boys should be boys" kinda guy.  Then somehow I looped back around to a Cotillion story.

Dad says, "Now why are you having those boys go to Cotillion?"  I told him it was for lessons in common courtesy and age-appropriate etiquette.

Dad said, "Oh.  So they won't say 'nuts'."

Yeah.

Comments

[Connie @ Young and Relentless]

Oh man. That is funny! I can't use the word NUTS in a sentence without it sounding dirty.

[Corbie]

Yes, I feel somewhat certain that we are one of the few families at school that have opted out of cotillion. My boys weren't overly interested, I come from a rural background (as in, someone actually had to tell me what cotillion even is), and I simply didn't need another 'activity' on my plate. That said, I also convinced myself that my kids didn't need this training - I would provide whatever manners training was necessary. And then came the 'nuts' incident...boy was I wrong :) Can we make arrangements for your boys to teach mine some manners?

[Dedire]

I still don't use the words "nuts". Unless I am saying "Well, she's a little nuts, you know off her rocker, crazy," Or actual nuts (ahem, peaNUTs, Cashew NUTS) - I sound like that dude from "Best in Show"...The Macadamia nut.

[vodkamom]

Aw nuts. That conversation was CLASSIC. loved it.

[Mrs.D]

They have cotillion outside of the south? wow. How do your boys like going to that? Do they learn to dance properly and stuff? I am curious about cotillion. Tell more.

[Kate]

When I was in high school I took my very hyper eight year old cousin to the movies we planned to see a kid movie out at the time called the Monster Squad. Of course two of the movies playing at the theater were "Raw" and "Nuts." Since he could easily read those titles, he started saying very loudly, "I don't want to see the Monster Squad! I want to see Raw!" I said - "you can't see Raw, it's rated R." And he yelled, "Then Nuts! I want to see Nuts!" People stared. That's my only "nuts" story. I think you had to be there - but it seemed very funny at the time.

[the floydster]

When my mom was teaching, there was an assembly. The topic was how to take care of playground equipment, and a very clueless teacher had written out the script and forced a boy to read it. The topic was "How to wash and take care of your balls." The poor kid was dying a thousand deaths as he read that, what with all the kids, and teachers, giggling or choking back their laughter. That stupid teacher really owed that kid a therapy session or two for that blunder.

[Sam]

When i was very young, 12?, my grandmother for a gift gave me a very large thick book, "Amy Vanderbilt's Book of Etiquette". I probably should have read more of it, but, now i read from your blog, i wish i had cotillion instead.

[csquaredplus3]

Corbie - Your kids are well mannered and generous. Any child (YOURS) that would give a homeless person a $20 bill without being frightened or thinking twice, already has more grace than Cotillion could ever provide.

Deidre - How do you spell your name? I use "nuts" for crazy too. I'm both.

Mrs. D. - I think Cotillion is everywhere now. Google John D. Cotillion. They learn dances and how to look people in the eye when they greet them, etc... I'll email you.

Kate - I can see the humor in your story. Cute.

The Floydster - THIS made me laugh out loud last night when I read it late - and I needed the laugh - badly. That's great!

Sam - Which Grandma? The one we stole matches from, or the other one?

[Deidre]

Blegh! Not like Dedire (unless instead of doing a poor french accent and talking about dee dire needs....)

[csquaredplus3]

Deidre - That's what I thought. When I read "Dedire", it was like there was a scratch on the record in my brain. Thanks for keeping me straight!