Bloggy Friends, Polygamy and Prisons
Friday, November 7, 2008 People who blog know you can develop sincere relationships with other bloggers -- bloggers you've never met in the flesh. Those who read blogs but don't blog themselves can have a difficult time seeing this as possible and not weird. I understand.
Bloggy Friends
A couple of my friends who have known me for years have expressed a bit of jealousy over my bloggy relationships. One friend called and said, "Do you even KNOW this person? Have you talked to her? She totally acts like she knows you. Don't you think that's weird? You know I was THERE all those times you threw-up. I held your hair. I've experienced your car-sickness. She doesn't know these things..."
Another friend called and said, "Who's Betty [fictitious bloggy friend name]? She acts like she knows you. How do you meet these people? I'm about ready to tell Betty [fictitious bloggy friend name] to BACK. OFF!"
All I'm going to say is, a Brownie Group I proudly joined in Winchester, Indiana, taught me to sing, "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold."
Polygamy
This has always fascinated me. When I was in college I met a girl who's parents were in a polygamous relationship. It was one man and three wives and they were all about the same age. Not a 56-year old pedophile with a 15-year old child. I only knew this girl because I advertised on our dorm bulletin board that I was looking for students who wanted to go to Phoenix for the weekend. We were attending Northern Arizona University in Flagstaff, Arizona, and the gas money I collected from the riders paid for my trip home.
I always wanted this girl to be in the car. I saved the front seat for her so I could ask questions. She was very nice and answered them all. I'm a detail gal, so I just went for it. Still fascinates me.
Prisons
I would love to tour a prison... wearing an invisible cloak. That's the problem. I think I'd be scared if all the perps were staring at me, or cussing at me, or naked. What do they talk about?
I read Tom Wolfe's, A Man in Full several years ago and a significant portion of the plot takes place in a prison. This simultaneously satisfied and stimulated my curiosity. Some of the prison scenes are very graphic. I know Tom Wolfe does his research, so it might be the closest thing to a tour that I'll ever experience.
Maybe I could get one of those realistic fatsuits. A realistic, MAN fatsuit. I bet that would be like an invisible cloak in a prison...
Jackpot
When we first moved to Utah six years ago, Oldest Boy was five and Middle Boy was three. The first year living here, I used to take the boys for drives to kill time and coax a nap.
I was intrigued to learn we live near a prison. Not so near that I'm worried or can see it from my neighborhood, but within 15 miles.
Not far from the prison is a large, red-brick, polygamy house on several acres. There's a pretty, stone schoolhouse, horses, a large garden, and what appear to be happy, normally clothed women and children milling around [what I've seen with my binoculars]. If I was going to marry a polygamist, I think this might be the one.
On my afternoon drives, I usually made a pass or two by the prison and the polygamy house. I know I've gotten as close to each structure and surrounding property as possible. From every angle. If I saw prisoners or one of the Mrs. Nelson's [fictitious last name], my day was made.
Chris would ask me about my day when he arrived home from work, "So Geraldo, did you make any progress on your prison and polygamy investigations?" Smart-ass.
When he asked about his day, Oldest Boy often said, "We drove to the place where the people who do bad things live. Then we went where all those women and children live... again."
So what have we learned? That the spirit of Gladys Kravitz lives on... a little bit in all of us.
Chris, Current Affairs, Friends, Misc. Daily Thoughts, Pooch, Dog and Pup 
Reader Comments (30)
Love,
Claire
And am I "Betty?"
Heh.
Ick, polygamy is sooooooo creepy!!! But fascinating. But it really gives me a sense of uneasiness. Glad that in so. IL we don't have to deal with that kind of weird--but there are some Amish within driving distance, and that's oddly fascinating, too.
Corbie - I would LOVE another wife - any wife - just for me. (in a helpful way - not in a sexual lesbian way - not that there's anything wrong with that)
Cheri - Thanks Betty.
Mrs. D. - I was raised in Indiana so I've been on a few Amish farms. I respect the Amish - I'm fascinated by the culture and lifestyle, but not in the same way that prisons and polygamy call to me.
Samantha - Did your Mom shop at the Amish farms? My Mom used to take me...
The Floydster - I'm glad to be one of your bloggy friends too. You make perfect sense to me!
I love the show Big Love and as long as I can have my own house I would be Bill's fourth!
By the way, your hair looks GREAT today!
Signed, The One and Only Betty
Glad we worked that out.
We Be Toys - I knew you meant combo "OF" and not "to". Absolutely NO weirdness taking kids to cemeteries on family vacations. None. You're good. Invite me next time...
PS - I like your spelling - Bette - better than mine. Extra love and kisses to you.
PSS - Thank you for reading Sherri's stuff. She has a few posts on the Messies that are even more shocking and funny.
Cheri - Connie totally wants to be Betty, and if she's not careful, my friend in the flesh is going to GO OFF ON HER. (But I love it that Connie tells me I'm pretty.) Claire has my heart (love you Claire!) - she's special - long story.
You are SO lovely AND important in your cyberness. Especially when you say "poop". Silver and gold, that's all I can say. XO
You pulled together these crazy topics flawlessly. As I mentioned on my blog, I can relate. I'm fascinated with cults and serial killers. One day, I'll tell you about my theory regarding cannibals.
If anything great has come out of starting up a blog again, it is "meeting" you. I think you are wonderful and I love your writing.
I'm a vegetarian, but if someone is cutting raw meat I cannot look away. I am totally disgusted and yet enthralled.
Your wedding photos are gorgeous, by the way!
Connie: I am Betty, even if Chris won't say it, even if Chris doesn't think it, we both know it.
Love, Betty
Connie: You're pretty too.
Fortnately I'm getting a nice balanced stride in my blogginess now, as opposed to Total Addiction when I first started getting comments.
And yes, blog friendships are real, true and deep!
Vodka Mom - Breathe, have a little drink, and work on your fabulous column. I don't know how you find the time to do all you do. Cheers!
Rena (FIRST COMMENT) - You DO know my personality. I almost posted about the poor man with the wart condition (along the lines of "not intended to be cruel"). I know precisely what you mean.
Deidre - Love your vegetarian-watching-meat-being-cut example. Very nice. You're the ORIGINAL Decoy Betty.
Connie - You better go visit Cheri and braid her hair or scratch her back or something girl-friendy. Quick!
Cheri - Thank you. You're pretty too. I think you should change your profile picture. It's a nice photo, but you're SO pretty. Srsly.
Rena, Rena (SECOND COMMENT) - Your obsession with "correct terminology"? What is INVISIBILIBY? Is it possible you FAILED to use CORRECT terminology? Is it? Perhaps you meant INVISIBILITY. You understand of course, this is simply my obsession with correct terminology sweet friend. XOXOX to infinity and beyond!
Jannie - Sherri's design theme is fantastic. She's not only an excellent writer, but her design and technical skills are the best.
Yours truly,Betty
p.s. Just kidding, Cheri.
I am fascinated by polygamists - and would probably be just as much of a stalker. Prisons? Not so much.
Chris called ME Betty.
See comments: http://blogthismom.blogspot.com/2008/11/help-tranny-head-out.html
Boo-ya.
Love, Betty
I cannot believe that I finally found another person out there who is just as Gladys Kravitz-ey as I am! And, no less, knows how to use the K-bomb in the correct context!
If you peek out your venetian blinds, you might get a glimpse of me waving at you from behind my venetian blinds. Or not; I might be busy walking my dog past that sketchy-looking house down the street.
Or eavesdropping at the bakery...
But seriously Chrisy - VERY funny post. Loved it! I too am fascinated by polygamists and Amish. We live near the Amish and I would love to drive around their neighborhoods with my binoculars...Prisons on the other hand? Not so much. Terrifying.