Daughters

Mothering our boys comes naturally to me.  They're fun, sweet, energetic and so far they think Chris and I are pretty neat.  I always knew I'd be a parent.  I assumed I'd have at least one boy and one girl, with a bonus kid or two.

Growing up, I projected my own feelings on a future daughter.  I had a difficult time understanding that my parents and grandparents didn't think about me while they were young... before I existed.  One of the reason's I kept journals was so that my daughter could someday read them and know I understood exactly how she was feeling.  I kept special dresses from my childhood and teenage years.  I saw pictures of my mom and grandmothers in their pretty dresses as young girls and was saddened that they didn't save them for me.  How could they get rid of such gorgeous gowns that I would have LOVED to wear while playing "dress-up"?  I saved dresses for the daughter I assumed I'd have.  So she would feel understood, and know she was thought of prior to her arrival.  I saved dolls and stuffed animals too.  I still have everything. The journals, the dresses, and the dolls.

I wrote in one of my journals, "When I grow up, I'm going to let my daughter watch Battle of the Network Stars, even if it's a school night, because I know she'll really want to, and she'll still be able to get up in the morning for school.  Mom and Dad are so mean."

It was important for me to prepare for... her.

As I've connected with friends on Facebook, one of the best parts is seeing photographs of everyone's families.  We all put our best, most attractive, smiling faces on display - Look at me!  Look at my wonderful marriage!  Look at my cool single life!  Look at my beautiful kids! - recognizing the reality is that we all have ups and downs, bumps in the road, and a few unattractive days.  There's not usually a camera documenting those times.  So, we see the happy and the fun.  And... the BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRLS that EVERYONE has!

I adore our sons.  Our family is complete and I love the novelty of being the only female in our house.  Makes me feel special.  I won't have a daughter.  It's okay.  I'm able to talk with girlfriends about their relationships with their daughters, and befriend many, many young girls.

Yesterday a package arrived while I was reflecting on the photos of friends' beautiful daughters on Facebook, and the lack of estrogen in our home.  The package was from Cheri at Blog This Mom.  She had already shipped me a Snuggie after reading about my fascination with them.  Cheri's daughter, Laura, shares the same fascination and received one for her 9th birthday.

I couldn't imagine what was in the new package.  It was an American Girl DVD!  [Thank you Cheri!  For everything.]  After reading my "February 1978" post, Cheri sent me Chrissa Stands Strong. 

"Meet Chrissa Maxwell.  She and her family have just moved, and Chrissa has to start at a new school mid-year.  Will she fit in?  Can she find new friends?..."

I haven't watched it yet, but I intend to.  With the boys.  Cheri said so.  Which means, our family will be watching An American Girl: Chrissa Stands Strong one evening this week.

In the meantime, I thought Mary would enjoy reading one of my childhood journals.  Here she is, comfortably wrapped in the Snuggie, moved by the fact that I documented feelings 35 years ago on her behalf, and excited to watch our new chick flick.

My girl...

Comments

[Robin Larraza]

Love the photo of your beautiful girl! I love that Mary doesn't talk back, have a problem with the outfit you picked out for her or scream at her "brothers". Someone once told me, "beware of what you wish for." Oh, they were so right...love, Robin :)

[February 17, 2009 |]

That's such a great song.

Recent blog post: Photography, Brandywine Battlefield, Barn, Tree With Hole And History.

[February 17, 2009 |]

It's true that whatever we end up with in the way of children is usually "perfect" for us. But it's also true that childhood memories are meant to be passed on. And it's hard to have all of those momentos that your boys can't appreciate... Sounds like you have other young girls in your life that can benefit from this. Or your dog.

My daughter has already decided that she doesn't like dolls (is terrified of them, would be a better way to describe it). So that cuts out about 95% of my hand me downs...

Recent blog post: He Said She Said: Part II

[February 17, 2009 |]

You are just like me in that sense. I saved my pretty dresses and dolls and toys for my daughter (should I have ever had one).

Only difference is, I did get my daughter. And she loves the fact that I saved stuff for her to play with and wear. She carries around a purse I used when I was about her age now and loves it!

Great story!

Recent blog post: To Tide You Over...

[February 17, 2009 |]

I currently help out with Brownies in my village. If we decide to have children, I think I will have to volunteer with the Cubs/Scouts as well in order to prepare myself for the slightly-over-half possibility of producing a boy..... Sounds like you have adjusted admirably and I enjoyed reading your account!

Recent blog post: Travel Tuesdays #5: Las Medulas

[February 17, 2009 |]

My Mom saved nothing of mine. So I save everything.

Mary is a very lucky girl! And i just know it was my daughter that you are referring to on FB.







Recent blog post: A Sign

[February 17, 2009 |]

Oh, that dog is ridiculously cute. I have an adopted guinea pig son. I raised him from birth. My daughter has been known to claim that he's the favored child.

Recent blog post: Blogfodder Memorial Library

[February 17, 2009 |]

I loooooove the photo of you girl in her Snuggie!!!

In addition to Chrissa being the new girl and (almost) sharing your name, there is another similarity to her story and yours. Can't wait until you watch the movie and see for yourself. Then . . . we can share a cybersmile.





Recent blog post: It Was a Dark and Stormy Night

[February 17, 2009 |]

I just read your February 14 story. I think it is cool. I think your story is just like Chrissa. You will see a lot of similar things. I don't want to tell you about them and ruin the surprise.

Recent blog post: It Was a Dark and Stormy Night

[The Floydster]

That's a wonderful post, Chris - and I think your Mary and my Max would be great friends!

[February 18, 2009 |]

That's so wonderful! I think you could still share your journals with your boys... I'm sure they would love to know who you were as a kid.. and, who knows?, it might make them even better boys in the future - especially when it comes to treating women right...

Recent blog post: No really… we do have a contest winner… honest!

[February 18, 2009 |]

I have a fictive kinship with some children I love dearly, but no children of my own. Yet I really get this post. Also, some of the women I know with adult children are much closer to their sons than their daughters. They all seem surprised by that, but I love adult sons who are so protective and loving with their moms. ~Mary

Recent blog post: The Other Side

[February 18, 2009 |]

How wonderful that you are getting your "little girl fix" on! And love the Snuggie. It looks the same on every body, doesn't it?

Recent blog post: Going on the run with the goods

[February 18, 2009 |]

I've been keeping a journal as well (no more online then on pape(r, for the same reason. I think Lady Fi is right, you could still share your entries with your boys one day. Who knows maybe they'll find the answer every man has ever wondered; "What do they really want?" They'll be heros.



Recent blog post: Prompt Tuesday

[February 18, 2009 |]

This is a really beautiful post. I feel the same way but I have daughters and wonder if I'll ever have that magical mother-son relationship. It might not be meant to be.

Recent blog post: so… what’s up with the apartment?

[February 18, 2009 |]

It's funny - I did a lot of the same things, like saving stuff for my daughter, and writing journals, and collecting a fabulous miniature depression glass tea set- and I have two boys. I was sure that both of them were going to be girls,and I cried like mad when the second one turned to be a boy, but I do realize that I am uniquely qualified to be the mother of boys. Who else would let them get filthy without yelling at them, or tell them gross jokes? I love my guys, they're the best people in my life.But, I still feel wistful sometimes, for that little girl who never was.I do have nieces, and they take that place for me - glad you have your little girl now too!

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[February 18, 2009 |]

Aw, Mary. That's one cutie patootie.

Recent blog post: second wifedom has its perks

[February 18, 2009 |]

I, too, don't have a daughter. I actually didn't think about having children when I was growing up, but suddenly in my 30's I started to want a child. The whole time I was carrying my son I convinced myself it would be a girl - but it was a boy.

I love having a son, but I kind of both regret and don't regret not having a girl, if that makes sense. I look at some of my friends and their struggles with their adolescent girls, and I wonder if I'd be a very good mother to a girl.

It's sweet that you and Mary can be girly together!

Recent blog post: First words

[soNOTcool]

Battle of the Network Stars! Oh, those were the days ... Much better than today's celebrity-laden reality shows. Ahhhh, the 70s. :)

[Chris]

Robin - Your Parker's adorable! I think you're fibbing...

Zibbs - Did you read this?

Kate Coveny Hood - You can send your hand me downs to Mary!

Mama Dawg - Thanks! Your daughter is precious.

Rachel - I sincerely love having boys. Very neat that you help the Brownies!

Connie - OF COURSE I'm referring to your BEAUTIFUL daughter on Facebook!

Tinsenpup - Your guinea pig is a riot. I love that you love him.

Cheri - I can't wait to watch the movie! I'll let you know... (THANK YOU AGAIN!)

Laura! - What a sweet girl you are! Thank you for the very kind words. Thank you for not ruining the surprise. I'm excited!

Anne - I'm certain Mary and Max would be great friends!

Lady Fi - You're right. Many of the things in my journal aren't gender specific. I share quite a bit with the boys, actually.

Mary - Thank you so much. What a kind and thoughtful comment.

Debbie - We've had more fun with that Snuggie. It's great!

Jennifer - I think you're on to something...

Mama Bird - I sincerely understand.

We Be Toys - I'm with ya on every single word in your comment. Thank you.

Sassy - I think she even looks like a girl.

g - Your words DO make sense. I have a strong personality, and I sometimes wonder if I'd be a very good mother to a girl also.

soNOTcool - I LOVED that show. Frickin LOVED it. Thanks for noticing and acknowledging it!