Three Good Things

Chris and I were talking this morning about how heavy things feel,
for all of us.  None of us [or very few of us] are completely insulated
from what's happening with the economy.  It's a difficult, stressful
time and not knowing what the next several months will bring, compounds
the heaviness.

There are always things for which we are
thankful.  We know this.  And after we have discussions where we review
the worst case scenarios, we take a breath and remind ourselves of the
good things.

Mom and Dad lived for a few years in Caracas,
Venezuela right after Chris and I were married.  As a Christmas gift
one year, Dad flew Chris, my brother Mallory Joe and me to South America for a couple of weeks.  I think it was a gift for Mom and Dad too.

On
the surface, everything appeared wonderful.  Mom had spent much of her
childhood in the Philippines so she spoke Spanish well and had
experience living as an expat.  Mom and Dad lived in a beautiful
penthouse apartment overlooking the new U.S. Embassy, had a full-time
driver, maid and memberships to a prestigious country club.  Two months
prior to the move Dad had been diagnosed with kidney cancer, had
surgery to remove a kidney and was sent to Venezuela with a clean bill
of health.  Life is good!  Right?  Well...

Mom's birthday is
three days before Christmas and she was turning 50 that year.  She
missed her friends, understandably.  Navigating life in a foreign
country where only 3% of the people spoke English [statistic per Mother, at the
time], required her to rely on the Spanish she hadn't used for years and it exhausted her.  We were out for lunch one day and she was trying to
order sandwiches for all of us.  She became frustrated, looked at me
and said, "I can't remember how the hell to say mustard in Spanish.  Can we lose the mustard?"

One afternoon, Dad was at work, Chris and my brother Mallory Joe were playing ping-pong, drinking Venezuelan beer [Polar tasted good.  Chris and Mallory Joe consumed it daily while playing ping-pong.] and Mom and I were sneaking a smoke on her veranda.

Mom said, "I don't know what to do.  This has just been so difficult."

We
discussed various solutions, all involving travel and being away from Dad longer than she felt was reasonable.  She
recognized she was tired and in a funk due to the many life stressors
she'd just endured.  A major move, culture shock, a husband with a
cancer diagnosis, finding homes for three animals she loved dearly
prior to the move, turning 50, and missing her family and friends.  She
knew she simply needed to keep moving forward.

She vented about the difficulties of living in Caracas.  There were many - all legitimate.

I said, "But Mom, there are some neat things about living here.  Can you think of just three good things?"

She thought...

"The birds are beautiful.  I love seeing parrots and macaws flying.  Free."

"And the orchids.  I can grow orchids on my veranda.  I've
never been able to grow orchids like this.  Aren't they beautiful?" 
[Mom has always loved gardening, so this was important and valued.]

She was looking a little perkier as she lit another cigarette.  We sat quietly while she thought.

Finally
she said, "And when your father and I go out to eat, and I order a
drink... anywhere... they bring you the whole bottle, even if it's Grey
Goose, and set it right. On. The. Table."

Comments

[February 4, 2009 |]

Mother sure has her priorities straight, now doesn't she?

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[February 4, 2009 |]

I think we should all do this every day. In fact I think I will. If I remember.

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[Sam]

i'm going to remember the 3 things rule too when i'm down. But for your mom, if she had needed a 4th, it was wonderful for her to be only 50 years old, and be able to experience living in Venezuela. Turning 50 for me still seems pretty young. I just hope i can be as vibrant as your mom has been.

[Tristan]

I needed this. Thank you. Steve and I feel like we are on the Titanic, we just don't know when it is going to sink. And we drive ourselves mad pondering all of the possible outcomes. I wish my religious beliefs did not preclude me from sharing that bottle of Grey Goose with you or your mom :)

[Chris]

Ms. Maxwell - Yes. Mother does. (This occurred 16 years ago, and she really doesn't have a drinking problem. I just thought it was funny that it made such an impression on her. It's when "high-end" vodkas were a big deal... oh wait, I guess they still are.)

Kate Coveny Hood - I try to remember too.

Samantha - I think she knew that too, although the experience reinforced the value of being near rich relationships. I'm with you on 50 seeming younger than it used to.

Tristan - I'm sorry. If your religion every lifts the rule, you come on over and I'll share a spot of Grey Goose with you. Until then, come on over and we'll go for a nice long walk - even better!

[February 4, 2009 |]

Yessss. :))))

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[February 4, 2009 |]

Hope you're feeling better.

It's important to try and keep optimistic and be thankful for the good things we all still have (even if things feel heavy)...

Great post.

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[February 5, 2009 |]

1. Your mom looks FABULOUS. Have they ever considered moving back to the Philippines? It's not as bad as it probably was back in her day. And she would be the belle of the ball in Forbes all over again. PLUS what may be a comfortable salary in dollars translates to living like a freakin emperor in pesos. Did I mention that the teddybear and I have a full-time maid that we pay $200 for, and she thinks we're the fucking gay rockefellers? :P

2. Grey. Goose. Rocks.

3. I am TOTALLY fixating on the name "Mallory".

Hugs, BB! I know it will get better. And if it doesn't, y'all are welcome to come down to Manila. :)

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[February 5, 2009 |]

Excellent idea to list three good things. And a bottle on the table should always be one of them.

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[February 5, 2009 |]

I'm going to say it again, your mom is awesome!

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[February 5, 2009 |]

Three good things for me today...

And thanks for this idea.

1. A good guitar lesson.2. Pepperidge farm chocolate cake.3. Kelly not putting up much of a fuss at all over homework and bath-time.

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[February 5, 2009 |]

It's always good to stop and think of those things, isn't it? Sometimes they just pass us by if we don't take the time.

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[wa]

Great story & I loved the way you wrote about it. And if you have a bottle of Grey Goose on the table, so you really need 2 other things?

Wendi Aarons

[Chris]

Lady Fi - So true. Thanks!

Demigod - I don't think Mom and Dad will be moving to the Philippines. The money thing was the same in Venezuela. There wasn't much in between the very, very wealthy, and the very, very poor. You're funny, and sweet. Thank you.

Debbie - Absolutely!

Bobbi - She's fun.

Jannie - I think those are three VERY good things. Music, cake, and peace.

Tinsenpup - Yes they do. We remind our kids to do it, but often we're not practicing what we preach.

WA - You make an excellent point. Maybe a glass and some ice? Or an olive, or a twist?

[February 6, 2009 |]

gratitude is enormously important.

So is a whole bottle of grey goose.

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[February 7, 2009 |]

That last one right there makes me want to go and live there.

Passport? Crap, I need to get one of those.

Oh, well, in a little while I can move, maybe! LOL!

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[jessica bern]

I'm learning Spanish now and it is so difficult. I can't imagine living in a country where the first language was not English even though a big part of me would love to for a couple of months. Finding stuff to be grateful for can be hard when you are in a funk, I know, I live in one a large part of the time.