I'm an Excellent Driver

Earlier this week, in a hurry, I quickly said goodbye to the boys as I grabbed my purse and headed for the garage. "Dad will be home soon. Call either one of us if you need anything. Mrs. Nice-Neighbor-Lady is home if Toddler Child poops!"

I was late for a doctor's appointment. I usually tap the garage door opener as I exit the kitchen and enter the garage, like most people, but for some reason I skipped this step. I climbed in the car, realized the garage door was closed, reached up and opened the door with the remote attached to the visor, like most people do when they're pulling IN to their garage. I started the car, put it in reverse and hit the gas. Hurry, hurry, hurry. Then, I hit the garage door. Hard.

When I was in Arizona visiting my parents in January, I hit their house. I wrote about it here. These incidents rarely get a reaction from Chris or my family.

I called Chris on my way to the doctor. He was in a meeting so I left a long babbling message.

"It's me. The weirdest thing happened. I was in a hurry and I didn't open the garage door before I got in the car and I'm used to the garage door being open already after I start the car and so I just backed out like I usually do... Oh, maybe I didn't say I opened the garage door from inside the car. It's not that bad. The door was halfway up when I hit it. I mean there's damage...to the back of the car...and the top where I scraped it pulling back in...and the garage door...I think if you use a hammer you'll be able to fix it so it can shut...it's stuck...I couldn't assess it totally because I was late. ... ... ...  We've been wanting new garage doors. Those dark steel ones are cool. Costco has a great deal...  Sorry. Call me."

This happened only days after receiving these photos in the mail from the Scottsdale Police Department.

 

 

We were on the final stretch to my parent's house after being in the car for TEN hours with the kids and the dog. Chris regrettably let me drive from Flagstaff to Scottsdale, an easy two hour stretch. [Did I mention I get carsick? Driving is an antidote for carsickness.] We were less than five minutes from Mom and Dad's house. It was like a horse seeing the barn. I was photo radar-ed traveling 63 in a 45.

 

Even though the ticket was addressed to ChrisTOPHER, there's no denying it's me, ChrisTINA. The document requested Chris either accept responsibility for the offense or identify the perp. I think I'm going down.

Comments

[pam]

haha! Makes me feel so much better... I totally have a lead foot. And Liz sounds just like me when she swears at other drivers... be careful or your boys will pick up the road rage! :)

[Chris]

I'm not so much an angry driver... just a distracted one. :-)

[Judy]

um, next time the boys play, I'll drive both ways....

[Alix]

Ow! That hurts Chrissy. Poor gal. A little identity altering plastic surgery and you'll be out of the Scottsdale situation pronto.

[blissfully caffeinated]

I'm so glad it's not just me. I have hit houses on a couple of occasions. I'm actually a good driver when I'm out on the road, it's just the up close stuff and reversing that gets me into trouble.

Photo radar? That's legal? If it were me I would probably make it my mission to challenge photo radar all the way to the Supreme Court.

[Jannie Funster]

Hey Perp, cool wheels!

I hit non-moving things exclusively too, luckily all of them inanimate so far :)

Funny Chrissy post, as usual.

And whoa, Big Brother lives and breathes. I'm not sure if Austin has that kind of surveillance yet.

[ShutupandRun]

Oh man. That just stinks. It's like big brother watching. Kind of eerie.

[jenjen]

Oh no! Wow - they really can zoom in now, can't they? That is crazy!

Sorry about your garage door. I have done things like that many times!

Thank you for keeping my friend Susan in your prayers. It means so much to me!

XOOXJen

[Lady Fi]

You're going down bad, girl! Crashing into the garage door and speeding... oops! (Not a bad photo of you actually...)

[Jane]

I was laughing at your plight (sorry) until I got to the Big Brother part, which is really really really scary to me!

I think ChrisTOPHER, in the spirit of partnership, should take the fall for at least incident. :-)

[Middle-Aged-Woman]

Oh, my. Sounds like you need some chocolate.

Love,Claire

[Sherri]

Yikes! We don't have speed cameras here - just cameras to catch you when you don't pay at a toll both. (or when you throw pennies in, like I do)

I laughed about the garage door thing! I think you're great but honestly, you're an awful driver. ;)

When I was little, my Mom would FREAK out because I would open the garage door by hitting the button inside, then hit it again and race under it with my bike. She would constantly tell me stories of kids dying under garage doors. Haha!

[Anastasia]

I'm a terrible speeder...it's just a matter of time before I get one of those in the mail!

Cool glasses by the way. :)

[Deidre]

The first year I got my licence I backed into two (at separate times) parked cars. My dad just shrugged and said "if those are the only kinds of accidents you get into, then whatever"...Seems like wise advice. A garage door now and then? meh!

[wade porter]

This is really good work, interesting and humorous.Don't be so quick to give up on your legal defense regarding the wrong name.

[Robin Larraza]

Word on the street is that you can ignore the ticket. And,unless they serve it in person, (not likely given the distance) you may be able to fly under the radar...so to speak. But you didn't hear that from moi :)

xo Robin

[Cheri @ Blog This Mom!]

That is sooo not you in the photo. It's totally OJ on a slow-speed chase.



Also? No wonder I love you. My husband (the actual husband) drives the same way. I would post about it, with photos of his car of many dents, but he reads my blog and I wouldn't want to embarrass him. (Like I'm doing now.) Not that I don't embarrass him enough already with the whole wife, hot toe doctor, and having giving birth to Adam Lambert's twins.

[Bobbi Olson]

Oh RainMan, you were totally framed! I only thought they could do close up stuff like that on CSI.Man, I'm in trouble if I ever go to AZ!

[Lance]

Chris,When I was in college, I crashed into another car while in the parking lot. Only to realize after I got out of the car, that I had left my backpack and an open soda on the roof of the car (or, they were until the crash).

But I've never crashed inside the garage!!

And - wow, they really do monitor speeds from cameras - see, I've learned a valuable lesson here today!

[Mrs. D]

Holy cow, I didn't know those things really worked that well! Guess I'll learn to watch out. Don't feel too bad about the garage door, I backed out of our carport last fall while one of the passenger doors were open (oops!) and bent the door and the support post for the roof of the house.

[Tristan]

Don't feel bad. In the last five years I have backed into a pole, scraped the side of my car up against a chain link fence, backed into a parked car in a dark parking lot and totaled my mini van and that of another driver's while making a left hand turn.

That's all I'm willing to admit to at the moment, but you might ask Corbie about her mom's car and garage. It is possible that I may have drove Corbie's mom's car into a completely closed garage and only stopped when Corb got on the floor and pushed the break. Luckily, Carol has a good sense of humor :)

[jessica bern]

My ex got one of those once. Ouch! God, I hate when that happens and next time tell the garage door to move out of the way. Perhaps it didn't hear you were in a hurry

[christy]

Oh my god Chris that is toooo funny. The photos of the ticket, your commentary, and the dratted garage door. I'm sorry I missed this post when I was away last week. You really made me laugh! HAHAHA!

[Da Goddess]

well, that's quite a poop sandwich to be served up!

Luckily, no one was hurt in the garage door incident and the speeding thing was minor. (I hate AZ's photo speed traps)

[Jennifer]

So many posts about the mishaps on the road make me anxious about getting a drivers license. For the first year I'll probably have to drive in dead silence, no radio, conversation or noisy children. I fall for distractions very easily.

I'm still up for meeting at Cabella's. What days and time work best for you?

[Captain Dumbass]

I got one of those pretty pictures once. That first one though, seriously, it looks like bad CGI.

[All Adither]

Hilarious that you posted those photos!

[Connie @ Young and Relentless]

That sucks about the garage door. It sounds like something I would do....

Did you read about my hubby's speeding ticket going though Nebraska? $175!!



*just realized today that your posts were not showing up in my reader anymore...that's my excuse for being late.*

[Muskrat]

Nice. I did this once at a red light early in the morning. I sat a few seconds, looked around, and said, "Screw it...I'm running it" and drove forward. Then I got a pretty picture of my car in the mail along with a ticket. Bastards.

[The Demigod]

OMG we are totally and TRULY soulmates.

I b*tch and moan and yell at The Teddybear all the time that he has TO BE CAREFUL WITH MY CAR this and BACK IN SLOWLY that and OHMYDEARSWEETWILLIAMSHATNER YOU'RE GOING TO KILL US!

We've had two cars and a total of seven minor accidents resulting in dents and scratches.

Guess who's responsible for each and EVERY one of them?

Yeah.

[Nikki]

As my Mom is getting into her 91-year-old aunt's car, she sees a strip of masking tape on the windshield. "Aunt Edith, what's the tape for?" to which she replied "Oh, that's my reminder to open the garage door so I don't have to replace it for the 9th time. Ha ha ha ha". Don't feel bad, Aunt Edith was a pro at taking out garage doors & even padded the inside of it to avoid more damage to her car.

I love that you are a little distracted since you're so perfect in so many other ways.