Tough Negotiator

December 1989

Chris and I had been married just over a month and were excited to purchase our first Christmas tree together.  Our budget was $20.  Not much, even twenty years ago.

We visited two Christmas tree lots and both times I immediately told the lot owner, "We want the biggest tree you can give us for $20!"  Neither lot had a tree taller than three feet available for that price.

As we got in the car without a tree the second time, Chris said, "Please don't say anything at the next lot.  Let me do the negotiating."

I tried.  Chris patiently followed the lot owner from tree to tree, nodding his head, whittling the price down.  I dutifully stood beside Chris and tried to look young and sweet... and poor.  Things weren't moving fast enough.  I felt an opening, sensed a softness growing in the lot owner.  "This tree is perfect for our apartment, but we only have $20," I said.

We left the lot without a tree again.

**********

Purchasing cars, houses, negotiating in general, is not my strength.  I show my hand too quickly... Would you like to see our bank accounts?  I pay more than is necessary because I trust the seller... He TOLD me this was a good deal.  Why would he lie?  Or I kill the transaction because I spastically blurt the wrong thing at the wrong time... Are you trying to screw me?

We bought a car recently and Chris reminded me several times to please just shhh.  He's kinder than most partners would be with my track record, "I know you're only trying to help, but you've got to let me handle this.  Don't say anything about money.  Try not to say anything at all... in front of anyone.  You and I need to talk privately."

It was hard, but I did it.

**********

Yesterday, we had a new guy do some yard work for us.  He gave me a bid for the work a couple of weeks ago.  It sounded... fine.  [What do I know?]  The man worked hard in the hot sun all day, the bushes and beds looked groomed and tidy and he was a pleasant person.

I gave the guy a check, came in the house and told Chris how pleased I was with the work that had been done.  I said, "He tried to charge us less than his original bid.  But, I reminded him... it was such a hot day... plus he's got to haul all that stuff away and unload it."

"So, you paid him more?"

"... ... ...  I don't want him to feel like we're taking advantage of him," I said.

"So, you negotiated up?"

Chris was calm, but he added, "Don't do that."

**********

I have a little money.  Anyone want some?

[Image courtesy of Google Images]

Comments

[christy]

Yes please. And while we're at it, you can have some of mine. I do the exact same thing Chris. Whenever we go on vacation somewhere with bazaars or little stands, Matt begs me to back off and let him do the negotiating...but truth be told, he's a softie too and we end up paying close to full price. Cars and houses though - he's my man, thank god! Because I would be paying full retail, plus! Like you! ha!

[Middle Aged Woman]

There was a woman in Hawaii who thought I was negotiating with her once. I really just didn't want what she was selling. I suck at negotiating.

[V-Grrrl @ Compost Studios]

I'm never about "winning" or trying to get the absolute lowest price. I'm all about being fair. I don't "bluff" and I don't see what I can get away with. So, yeah, I guess I'm not a great negotiator, though I've asked for free delivery on furniture purchases and negotiated the price on a car. For the most part, something is either worth the stated price to me or it's not. I tend to believe what people tell me and sometimes I've been taken advantage of. Shame on them, not on me.

[Chris]

I assume most people/businesses are fair, but unfortunately, that's not always the case. I don't really like to give money away, but Chris has watched me get worked by even the "nicest" person. I wish all transactions were like Costco. Reasonable prices -- seems to be win win!

[Chris]

I'm with you! On everything. "Shame on them, not on me." - true, but I'm the one writing the check. I feel like the Rodney King of negotiation, "Can't we all just be fair?"

[Connie @ Young and Relentless]

I hate negotiations too. I'd rather just wait in the car and let Keith handle things....except he's probably doing it wrong.

[Bobbi Olson]

I suck at negotiations too.

[Debbi Austin]

You and my husband should NEVER go car shopping together!! lol He tells me I'm rude and disrespectful. I tell him I'm saving us lots of money! You gotta play the game .... or stay home or outta the way!!!

[Lady Fi]

Aww..you're too soft hearted!

[Rebecca]

My husband is exactly like you. He's just too nice. I'm from a family of negotiators, it's in our blood (and a big part of our culture). My dad negotiates with everyone and most of the time he gets what he wants and a smile in the process. I'm not as good as him but I do pretty well. :)

[Captain Dumbass]

Bwah ha ha ha! That's great.

[Corbie]

When I was in Africa with Marie there was a woman selling fabric on a street and I kept trying to talk her up from her asking price while the gals looked on and laughed...I so related to this post. Loved it.

[jessica]

Chris, i am so much like you. I were not, I would be a very rich woman today.

[Sam]

for me, if a price seems fair..i take it. and like you, sometimes i give a tip.

[Jennifer]

I'm a little of both. I value true workmanship and will tip and go up on price if I feel/see that it's deserved. This mainly happens when I'm on vacation or out to dinner. Put me inside an americanized shop and I'm the cheapest person around. Although I have been conned by a kiosk stand. Not as bad as another gal I know who payed a little more then double I did but conned still the same.

I've already got a good idea that Mr. Berry may be the same if not cheaper then I. We'll see.

[Jannie Funster]

Sure, I'll take some money, but only the newest cleanest crispest GOOD bills, please.

Wait! What am I saying -- I know that's the only kind you have in your wallet. :)

xo

[Ruchi]

Interesting. In my relationship, I was the hard ass. Hubby was a softie. I guess people at the negotiating table knew it too cause they always went after him and not me. I guess as long as their is a balance in the relationship, the negotiations all balance out in the end.

[Cheri @ Blog This Mom!]

I do the same darn thing. And Tom is way the better negotiator -- when I can be made to shut up. :-)

[vodkamom]

that made me laugh. You negotiated UP??